Over My Shoulder

I live on the second floor of a two-story, apartment-style dorm complex. It's pretty great. Okay, really great.

Tonight, for the first time, I was in a downstairs apartment for an extended period of time. I hadn't realized until now how much noise travels downstairs. My first thought was, "Oh! Our poor downstairs neighbors! I wonder what they've heard?"

My second thought was a much more panicked, "....What have they heard??"

I wracked my brain, trying to think of embarrassing things I've said loudly. There's probably many of them. And even worse...have I said anything about other people?

God gently but piercingly spoke to my heart. The way you speak should be such that you should never even have to worry about that.

Oh, so much conviction.

The Lord brought to mind five categories of persons I believe we should be mindful of when we speak. In fact, I believe we should be imagining that they can hear every single word we say. I would like to share those with you.

1. Our Friends. I love my friends. I love them a lot. And they're pretty great. I don't tend to criticize them, because they don't give me a lot of reason to. But if they could hear every single word I speak about them, would they feel honored? Would they feel treasured, loved, encouraged and uplifted? One hundred percent of the time? If we notice something less-than-admirable in them, should we not take this concern first to Christ and, if appropriate, to the friends themselves? No one should ever hear derogatory comments about the people I do life with. If I would not say it to their face, I should say it to no one.
2. Our Enemies. I'm not sure I have any "enemies," so perhaps I'll define this more loosely as "people we don't particularly like." Sometimes, personalities don't click. Sometimes, circumstances cloud our opinions. Sometimes, we try to hold non-Christians to the same standard to which we ought to hold ourselves. Whatever the reason for our distaste, it needs to be brought to the feet of Christ, and left there. "Love through me, Love of God," Amy Carmichael pleaded, and He can do it. If the people we're not naturally particularly fond of could hear what we say about them, would they be amazed at the unconditional, consuming love of Christ pouring through us? Or would they find rejection and disdain? May it never be!
3. Our Parents. I cannot tell you the number of times a child has posted something on Facebook, thinking their parent will never see it, only to have the parent find it. First off, how embarrassing. And secondly, what good does it do? Speaking negatively about our parents behind their backs is only destructive. It solidifies opinions that they are careless, worthless, brainless, or what have you, and it does nothing to address any real problems that might be going on. I realize that not everyone was given parents like mine, and there might be real hurt involved. But if they could hear what you said to your friends -- what would they do? How would they feel? Would it encourage them to be a better parent, or would it just make them angry? Can we not at least give them the honor of speaking to them directly?
4. Our Future Spouse. If I am going to be blessed with marriage, my future husband is alive. He's out there somewhere. He's doing something tonight. Maybe he's wondering what I'm doing. And how would he feel...if I was giggling about someone other than him? Let me tell you, some of these days, he would have been horrified. Sickened. Heartbroken. This has less to do with how we speak about our future spouse and more to do with honoring them. If my guy could see the way I speak with and about the opposite sex, would he feel honored? Would he be impressed by my gracious, ladylike, decorous speech? Or would he cringe, his heart aching for me to be more cautious with my words?
5. God Himself. Not to make God sound like a creeper or anything, but, uh, He can hear you. And He tells us that "men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken" (Matt. 12:36). Wow. That one always convicts me. How many times do I speak without thinking? How many times do I speak without considering that my words are to be an offering of worship to a Most High God who gave up His life for me?

There is so much in Scripture regarding the tongue. God wants that part of our life, and He has every right to claim it. May our speech ever be such that finding out our downstairs roommates can overhear would be far from a concern -- it would be a blessing, for they would be overhearing the most uplifting, Christlike conversation they'd ever encountered.

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." -Ephesians 4:29-32

The Romance of Life

My very own Valentine Dare was a personal success. A rousing success.

A total turnaround in the way I approach life.

It started with an early morning. A very early morning. But that was okay, because I knew Jesus was going to give me a gift.

It was cold and rainy. But that was okay, because I knew Jesus was going to give me a gift.

Classes were long and tiring. But I didn't think about that for long -- I was waiting for a gift.

My eyelids were heavy all day. But my heart was awake, because I was anticipating a gift.

I got a gift. More than one, really. Lots of little ones, and a day with the king of Kings.

And the greatest part of the day was when I heard Him whisper, "Let's do this every day."

I began to notice gifts in the strangest of things.

A lab that got out early. A spontaneous Starbucks run with a sweet friend. Warmer-than-of-late weather. A playful squirrel.

And even better, I was always looking. Always asking. Always anticipating. Always excited.

I think, my friend, He has a gift in every day.

It might be small.

But it's there.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." -James 1:17

Life is more lovely when you're always looking for a gift.

Let's do it.

The Valentine Dare

I love the cliches that single people get to hear around Valentine's Day. Now, I'm not trying to be unkind to anyone who says these sorts of things. In fact, I believe many of them to be completely, wonderfully true, and yes, I've probably "encouraged" single girls with them (between text messages from a boyfriend -- sorry ladies). However, I shall give my unfiltered, gut reactions, because let's be honest -- true as they are, in the moment we're feeling lonely, they really don't help. Let's look at some of these cliches and their typical responses, shall we?


Number 1: It's okay, one day your prince will come!
Well, that's all fine and dandy, Miss In-A-Perfect-Relationship, but in case you haven't noticed, "someday" is not "today," and saying that he'll be here one day is about like telling a famine victim that they should be happy with the thought that one day, their food will come. I'll probably die before he ever gets here, so you just enjoy your Valentine's date.

Number 2: Valentine's Day is just another day. Like St. Patrick's Day or Secretary's Day. Or Adopt a Rescued Rabbit Day.
Ah, yes. Just another day. A day when people post gushy statuses about their significant others on Facebook. A day when I have to take pictures of my friends as they prepare for their romantic dinner. A day that was designed specifically to remind me, and only me, of my single, alone, destitute condition. Oh, that's totally normal. I mean, I wear hearts and paint my nails princess pink every day -- don't you?

Number 3: Serve others on Valentine's Day.
Ehhhh... Sounds great and all, but then I'd have to leave the house, put on clothes, abandon this really delicious mint chocolate cookie ice cream, and see all the people staring at each other longingly anticipating their date. I mean, I know it'd make me happy, but that's just too much effort...

Number 4: Valentine's Day is a great reminder that singleness is a wonderful opportunity to prepare you for the day when you finally meet your future husband.
Here's the problem, my friend. People have been preparing me for the day I meet my future husband for years. But they've never prepared me for the day that I don't.

Number 5: Jesus is enough.
That one's sticky. You're just trying to make me feel bad, aren't you? So what, because I'm not jumping up and down out of joy for being single, I'm a horrible person? Are you saying I don't love Jesus?? Are you???


Even truth, in the midst of loneliness, doesn't always make us feel all hunky dory.

Truth is, Jesus is enough.

But I'm not going to tell you to go off, lock yourself in your closet and pray for seven hours on Valentine's Day (although that could be pretty cool...maybe you should).

I want you to take a challenge with me.

I want you to go to Jesus, still your heart before Him, and ask for a Valentine.

Don't be specific. Don't ask for a Camaro. And please, for goodness' sake, don't ask for a boyfriend (or girlfriend).

Let Him surprise you.

Ask for Him to open your eyes to something...anything...a special gift, hallmarked just for you, and signed by the Prince of Peace and Lord of Life Himself.

Ask Him for the best Valentine's Day gift ever.

And then look for it.

Be constantly asking, seeking, searching, looking. Notice the small things. Let your eyes be opened, your heart be softened.

And then at the end of the day, even if you didn't notice anything specific, you'll find, to your shock, that you spent the day in sweet communion with One who loves you better than life itself. Instead of moping, of wondering "when" "why" and "who," you shall find yourself in the midst of the greatest, most passionate and most important love relationship there ever was. And that, my friend, is a gift in and of itself.

"Bare heights of loneliness...a wilderness whose burning winds sweep over glowing sands, what are they to HIM? Even there He can refresh us, even there He can renew us." -Amy Carmichael

Faith and Sight

I don't think God is real because the Bible says so. I don't think God is who He says He is in the Bible merely because the Bible says so. And I really don't think the Bible is true because it says so...in the Bible ("Kendall, why do you think the Bible is true?" "Because it says so." "Where?" "In the Bible." "But how do you know that what the Bible says is true?" "Because the Bible says so...").

*sidenote: How strange does the word "Bible" start to look after typing it nine times? Is that even the right word? Am I talking about the right thing??*

We walk by faith, not by sight, but that doesn't mean I blindly accept the Bible just because I want to.

I accept the Bible not because it says it's true, but because I've experienced it to be true.

"Experiences are circumstantial," you may say. I can accept that to a degree, but I know who I am because of Christ, and I know who I'd be without Christ. I know that when I beg Him, "Speak," He whispers gently to my heart. I know that when I plead, "Hold me," I'm filled with a comfort I can't explain. I know that when, as I lay in my bed at night, I call upon the power of Christ, my mind is yanked back from places it shouldn't go, and I experience victory that I know I cannot achieve on my own (I've tried!).

So I don't believe God is true because I think the Bible is true.

I know the Bible is true because I know God is true.

I know because I've seen His power, and the power of His word to set the captive free. I know because someone like me should never be able to experience a feeling of absolute freedom and purity, but I've felt it. I know because I've seen the impossible accomplished in my life. I know because on days when I should be tired and irritable and snappy, He comes and says, "You don't have to say yes to that; you can say yes to Me." I know because He's said yes. I know because He's said no. I know, because me and God? We're good friends, He and I. And now, even when I can't see, I've experienced enough of Him to go forward blindly, trusting in His goodness and His character.

So I believe that Jesus is the Son of God; that belief in Him means salvation and freedom from the tyranny of sin; and a whole SLEW of other things under that umbrella not because a book told me so (I mean, books say Harry Potter is a boy who goes to Hogwarts, but I don't think that's true) but because I don't know how to explain what has happened in my life any other way. Not merely the important reading of Scripture, but the fulfillment of Scripture in my life -- that's why I'm willing to give my life to this, and I won't for one second count it wasted.

"I hear these people asking me, How do I know what I believe? Well, I'm not the same me, and that's all the proof I need." -Britt Nicole, "All This Time"

When I Grow Up

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

I love this question. The possibilities are endless, and so fascinating. My first-ever answer to that question, back when I was four, was the very predictable, very little-girl "ballerina." (Does it make it more unique that I wanted to be an evangelical ballerina?) However, 14+ years of ballet training, while teaching me dedication, hard work, and how to spell "Pas de bourree," have only served to convince me that my calling is not to shout the Gospel from the stage en pointe (the last thing the audience would be thinking about is "grace"!).

I loved to dream. From choir director to flight attendant, from computer analyst to mom, my elementary, middle, and high school days were filled with daydreams about "when I grow up."

Well, I'm not grown up yet (though Time is trying to convince me otherwise). But my "when I grow up I want to be" hasn't changed, not in two in a half years. Lay it down, God has whispered. Give it to Me, be willing to have it changed, wrecked, taken away. But He has given my dream back time and time again, and I don't anticipate it changing anytime in the near or distant future.

How did that even happen? For years, I had a new career idea every odd Tuesday. I would determine to be a veterinarian, and off I would run to learn all I could about how to save the animals. The next Tuesday I was going to be a periodontist, and I mentally prepared myself for staring in peoples' mouths all day. And how could I forget the dozens upon dozens of games of "dental hygienist" that played out on TV trays, so long ago that I've changed bedrooms three times since then?

How did a dream finally stick?

It will always be a bit of a mystery to me. I think I've gone to my mom more than once exclaiming, "How in the world do people who don't know Jesus figure out what to do with their lives?" (Really. If you don't personally know Jesus, number 1, Jesus is AWESOME and we should talk, and number 2, if you've figured out what you want to do with your life without Him, I want to know how you did it!)

Of course, when people ask me, "How did you know you wanted to study nursing?" my answer doesn't sound anything like, "My macaroni and cheese noodles fell into the shape of a stethoscope."

I've come to realize that it's not necessarily what I do with my life. It's why.

"People who do not know the Lord ask why in the world we waste our lives as missionaries. They forget that they too are expending their lives ... and when the bubble has burst, they will have nothing of eternal significance to show for the years they have wasted." That quote by Nate Saint was the inspiration for the title of this blog, and I still love the thought it contains.

We're only given one life. It's not practice. It is preparation, but if we fail to make the one choice that needs to be made, we don't get to come back and try again. And if we hoard our lives, we don't get another chance to come back and serve those whose lives might have been brighter had we given of ourselves.

So yes, I'm going to be a nurse. But more than that, I'm going to be a missionary.

Will I go overseas? At some point, I have no doubt. But I could also be a missionary right here. You don't have to live in Cambodia to be a missionary. You can live in Smalltown, USA. You don't have to be a doctor or a teacher to be a missionary. You can be a store clerk or a florist. In fact, one of the greatest missionaries I know is my mom. She's never been to Africa in her life (that I know of) and she left healthcare a while ago, but that doesn't keep her from giving her life away right where she's at.

With this in mind, I can see the value and the importance of every single occupation and calling.

So I'm not sure we all need to be sitting around wondering what we ought to do with our lives. I guess you don't need to know Jesus to understand what you ought to do with your life (though I still think He is so helpful!). It's not as though there's this one magical thing we're supposed to do, and if we don't do it we'll be forever cursed. If you're supposed to do it, Jesus will lead you to it. But in general, I think He works through our talents and through what we enjoy. There is nothing more spiritual about being miserable or being bad at something. He has designed us for a purpose, and He wants us to both enjoy that purpose and be effective for the Kingdom in that position.

So have fun with your life, my friend. Have fun!

And there's this really cool thing I'm starting to realize.

We don't have to wait until we grow up to be missionaries.

To Love the One

"One death is a tragedy; one million is a statistic."

Joseph Stalin said that.

No, I don't usually start my posts with quote from socialists. I don't usually end them with those quotes, either. Or put them in the middle. Or anywhere. Okay, in general, I don't quote socialists, communists, or other people of like repute.

But to be honest, this quote gets me every time...because it amazes me how easy it is to think that way.

Here's some statistics to get the ball rolling.*

• There are 143 million orphans in the world.
• There are 3 billion people living in poverty.
• There are 27 million victims of human trafficking each year.
• 45% of the population of Kenya is Christian. With a population of 41,070,934, that means that more than 2 million people do not know Christ -- in Kenya alone.
• Only 50% of Americans even claim to be Christian. That means 156,616,022 people do not even profess to spend Sunday in church.

And I find it far too easy to look at that and say, "It's not that bad."

Oh, that terrifies me.

If there were a little girl living in Zambia, starving, afraid, alone, abandoned, with no one to love her...and she was the only one in the world...you can bet that I'd be coming to my parents, pleading to go to Africa, begging to be provided a way to get to that child. But because there's 143 million of those children...suddenly it's not as urgent?

I would give all I have for the one, but the millions hardly disturb me?

There is something so, so wrong with that.

To get an idea of the magnitude of the situation, I thought I'd give you a little help in the form of some crazy stuff I learned from Louie Giglio:**

• A million seconds ago was twelve days ago. (143 million orphans, 27 million modern-day slaves)
  
• A billion seconds ago was in 1975. (3 billion people in poverty)

Okay, that just blows my mind. It does. So I did a little math of my own. If you were to count every single orphan, one per second, every second, it would take you almost five years. If you were to count every single person in poverty, one per second, every second, it would take you until 2123 -- one hundred and eleven years of counting every single second.

Guys, we don't live long enough to count them all.

When I realize the magnitude of the situation, it suddenly becomes so easy to write it off as a statistic. Perhaps a heartbreaking statistic, but when there's a sea of billions in front of you, what do you do with that? I don't look at a football stadium filled with people and say, "Gee, I love that football stadium." I don't know anything about the people there (except that they all likely enjoy football). I can't see their faces, I don't know their stories. I don't know how to love the many.

Jesus loved the many, by loving the one.

He had this uncanny ability to see the entire world, and focus in on one face, one story, one life. And that single story moved Him to give His life.

He loved the many by loving the one.

Jesus understood that the millions are composed of individuals. He didn't love numbers, He loved people. Yes, God so loved "the world," but the world...it's made up of people.

And so are those statistics.

And then it begins to hit me. 143,000,000. 27,000,000. 3,000,000,000.

What can I do against that?

From a human perspective, I can't even make a dent.

But to Jesus, one person is a huge dent. He smiles and says, "That one is so important to Me. That one is incredibly precious to Me. It makes all the difference in the world. That one is Mine."

To Jesus, even one is reason to rejoice. It's reason to sing. And it's reason to die.

I want to spend my life for the one. I may not know their names. But I'm determined I will...one by one.

*Statistics from Adventures in Missions and the CIA World Factbook

**"How Great is Our God," Louie Giglio

Me and Tebow

I believe something insane.

You're going to laugh at me (but probably not "LOL." More just "L." Inside.). You might roll your eyes, and write me off as proving myself to be an ordinary female in the year 2012. But I promise I'm perfectly sane in the clinical sense of the word, and that I have a point, so please bear with me.

I believe that, if He wanted to, God could arrange a marriage between me and Tim Tebow.

No, this does not mean I'm going to write "MARRY ME TIMMY" on his Facebook wall. I shall not have "Future Mrs. Tebow" shirts made. I even promise that not a single line in my prayer journal will say anything even remotely along the lines of, "Please help Tim realize that he's perfect for me, and that we're meant to be.... Now if only You'd arrange for me to meet him...."

I could have also used Josh Groban as an example. Last year, I would've used Michael Buble, but he's what we like to call "taken" (every happiness to Mr. and Mrs. Buble!). You could insert pretty much any (single) famous (male) person in this scenario, and I would still believe the same thing. If He wanted to, God could do it.

But my point is this: No offense to Mr. Tebow, but God has someone better in mind for me. In fact, He has someone better in mind for everyone...except the real future Mrs. Tebow. At the end of my life, I won't look at my husband and say, "Gee honey, you're great and all, but I would've been a lot happier in life if my last name started with 't,' ended with 'w' and had 'ebo' in the middle."

No, no, no. That's not the way God works.

"If you could marry anyone in the world, who would it be?" I sometimes ask myself.

And then I answer myself, "My future husband."

Oh goodness, I don't know who he is. But he's perfect for me. He's better (for me) than Mr. Tebow, Mr. Groban, and anyone else you can come up with (my knowledge of eligible famous people is sorely lacking). That's just how Jesus rolls. And the same man who will be "best" for me would be "less than best" for you.

"If you settle for less than a man who is fully yielded and surrendered to the King of all kings, you settle for less than God’s best for you. You may not feel worthy of a noble, gallant, Christ-built Warrior Poet who will lay down his life for you. But this is exactly what Christ is to you. And this is exactly what He desires for you in an earthly prince" (Leslie Ludy).

I'm not saying these famous young men cannot be exactly this to a young woman one day. I'm very hopeful that with the platform they have been given, they will showcase the beauty of a Christ-centered love story that will inspire hundreds to pursue deeper intimacy with the Author of such beauty.

But Jesus wants the best for you. And He knows what that is. He knows who that is.

And for all but one woman...that's not Tim Tebow. (Unless he's called to singleness!)

So that's why I'm not going to come to God tonight pleading to meet the young QB. I'm going to come to Him and stand for the man He actually has for me. I'm going to intercede for his purity, his relationships with others, and his relationship with Christ. I'm going to pray for an attitude of absolute givenness to Jesus, and I will pray the same for me.

Because as many times as I walk away from an article about Tim Tebow exclaiming, "He's such a good guy!"...I know that whoever Jesus has for me is a pretty good guy, too.