Last night was one of those nights. Dinner in the dining hall wasn't good. I was homesick. I wanted to curl up in a little ball, put a pillow over my head, and not get up until next month when I can go home. Little, tiny things were annoying me. And for whatever reason, I, Kendall, now seem incapable of tears and have been for about two and a half months.
One of those nights.
And He waited for me. With arms open, waited for me to come and find rest. He waited to hold me close and whisper sweet words of assurance and love to me. He waited to let me find a home near His heart. He waited to bring me to tears, not from petty human frustration, but from amazement at His goodness.
I kept Him waiting. He waited, and waited, and waited.
Oh, I still have so much to learn. It feels as though every time I take a step forward, I take two back. Every time a part of self dies, another part I thought was gone comes back. Every time I think I've got it, I realize I don't.
I am a seriously messed up person. And that's not okay.
But my God is for me. He has won the victory. He has purchased abundant life and victory for me. He has made me new. He has redeemed me and given me a new identity. But that new identity is so foreign that I am ever in the process of learning how to live as His princess. It will take a lifetime, but that's okay.
So let me rephrase. I was a seriously messed up person. But that is not who I am. Because my loving Daddy saw me from heaven, reached down, took hold of me, and made me His. He declared, "It is finished!" And it is! Oh, it is...
"For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight. In love He predestined us to be adopted as His sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will." -Ephesians 1:4-5
When I choose something, I have the option of not selecting something. I could choose one thing over another, choose several things and leave some out, or choose nothing at all. If I have this luxury, how much more does God! He is all-powerful. He could have passed me by. He could have decided to exclude me, or even to not create me.
But that's not what He did. He chose me. He has chosen all of us.
So what will our response be?
If a rich, loving King came to a poor, starving, wretched girl and told her he had decided to adopt her, would she reject His offer of food, shelter, and love? She would be a fool to do so! Rather, she should fall at His feet, weeping, protesting her unworthiness, saying she's not a princess and never could be.
But that is immaterial. The paperwork is signed. She is a princess -- already. Without her doing a thing. The royal room is prepared, a crown is set out for her. All she need do is accept this amazing offer and begin to accept the reality of her new identity. She needs to leave her old life, move into the palace, and begin to learn from her new Daddy what it means to be a princess.
She will often slip back into old habits. Her speech will often lack the dignity of a princess. She will put her elbows on the table. She'll wrinkle her nose and do all the un-princess-like things she's done all her life. And more than likely, she will often be embarrassed to go to her new Father -- she cannot understand why He would care about her life. But slowly, surely, the more time goes by, her behavior will begin to reflect who she is now. She will dress elegantly. She will eat in a refined manner. And she will be unafraid to run to her King, for He is her Father.
That is the reality of who I am. A princess. Sometimes I'm not very good at living up to that (actually, most of the time I'm not). But just because I haven't fully achieved princess-like behavior doesn't mean I'm not still a princess. I am! He chose me! The adoption papers are signed, the process is complete. I'm a princess. He chose me.
He chose you.
How good our Jesus is... He can redeem even one of those nights.
