"That's just the way guys are."
I used to laugh sadly and nod my head in agreement whenever a fellow female would say this...
...until I heard a guy echo it. "That's just the way guys are," he said, and I felt my heart catch in my throat. Do you really believe that? my heart was screaming in protest. Have you really given in? Have you really become no more than what we've said you are? Have you really given up on ever being any better?
I no longer laugh at that statement, no matter who says it.
"Guys are only good for carrying things," we joke. "They'll never grow up," young women assert as they toss their hair and revel in their superiority. "Pigs, all of them," we say with a turned-up nose. And you know what they say: "They're only after one thing..."
And even as we mock them, something inside us dies: The dream of ever finding a man who will protect us, cherish us, and just love us.
"That's just the way they are," we sigh, and determine to move on and find a guy who's at least not as immature and piggish. We can never hope for any more.
And apparently, guys have started to agree. We have put them down, time and time again, and now they are convinced they can never rise above "the way they are." They have resigned themselves to defeat without ever putting up a fight -- because all the girls around them are telling them that they can never win.
Please, let me tell you something.
They can win.
Gentlemen: You can win.
"His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness..." (2 Peter 1:3).
Does an attitude of combined strength and tenderness come easily to a man? Is he born with complete control over his thought life? Is warrior-poet manhood something that comes naturally to anyone?
Probably not.
"Oh Kendall," you say, "you're telling guys to deny their nature and be something they're not!"
Absolutely.
"If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me" (Luke 9:23).
There may be a "way guys are"...before the Christ-life invades. Before Jesus completely rebuilds a man in His image. And guess what, ladies...we're just as bad.
No one, man or woman, was meant to stay the same after encountering Christ.
Does this mean a guy will suddenly become Prince Charming after meeting Jesus? Of course not. But he need no longer be a slave to who he was before.
However, we've painted a picture. We tell young men that they're in chains: the chains of modern manhood. They can't escape it. It's their nature. We graphically describe these chains, cutting men down and entrapping them in chains that no longer exist. They're not there! Jesus destroyed those chains! But even those who want to be different think it impossible.
And instead of coming alongside them and telling them that they have the power of the Living God to be a new creation and a Christ-built man, young women perpetuate the cycle. Instead of declaring freedom, we still see them as being bound by their nonexistent chains. Instead of encouraging them to get up, to walk away from a former way of life and become all that God intended, we tell them to just be the best chain-wearin' man there ever was.
I look back and think to myself, What on earth have I been doing?
What if we stopped cutting them down?
What if we stopped putting them in the world's box when they don't have to be of this world?
Sisters...what if we realized that guys don't need our criticism; they need our grace?
What if instead of talking about the way guys are, we talked about the way they could be? What if we put aside our own selfish desires for acceptance and went out of our way to protect the hearts and minds of the guys around us? What if, every time somebody made a demeaning comment about manhood, we responded with, "I don't believe it has to be like that"?
What if instead of flirting, we encouraged?
What if, instead of showing guys their chains, we showed them their Savior?
What if, instead of complaining about their one-track mind, our conversation was such that the track their minds land upon is Jesus Christ, and Him crucified?
What if we stopped looking for a boyfriend and started being a true friend?
What if we sacrificed of our time and spent hours on our knees praying true men into being?
What if we made it clear that we're fighting alongside them?
Do you think they'd start fighting, too?
"For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say 'No' to ungodliness and worldly passions and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age." -Titus 2:11-12
