For my tenth birthday, my mom redecorated my room. She bought me a beautiful canopy, a new lamp, and an adorable fairy bedspread and sheets. Unfortunately, when she went to put on the new sheets and comforter, they didn't fit. The label that stated "Full/Queen" only fit a full-sized bed. So she returned my fairy bed fixings and went on a hunt for more.
She spent hours looking for the perfect bedspread and sheets. She never found little girl ones that would fit. She told me that she cried at the cashier, saying all she wanted to do was make my birthday special.
Well, eventually my mommy and I went out shopping together for my bed. We picked out a quilt that was far from little-girl, like she and I had both wanted. But it's still on my bed today. I love that quilt.
But every once in a while, I would feel horrible. I would think, "If it hadn't been for me, my mommy wouldn't have cried that day." I felt awful that she had gone to so much trouble for me. I would trace my finger over the embroidered flowers on my quilt and match tear-for-tear the tears my sweet mommy had cried.
About two months ago, I reminded her of her hunt for my perfect bedspread and confessed that I felt dreadful about it. She blinked. "What in the world are you talking about?"
I stared at her. "You mean you don't remember that?"
"I remember that we got you that new quilt, but I haven't thought about that in years. You mean you've been feeling bad about that all this time?"
Well.
How often do we do that with God? We sit around feeling horrible about a sin that we know He's already forgiven, and we feel so bad that we made Him sad. We agonize over our decisions. We drag up things we've already given to God.
I think when we do that, He just blinks. "You mean you've been feeling bad about that all this time? I haven't thought about that in years. Why in the world are you bringing it up now?"
Do we really believe that He's removed our sins from us as far as the east is from the west? I like to claim that I do. But if I really believe that, why do I drudge up the past so often?
Isaiah 38:17 says, "In Your love You kept me from the pit of destruction; You have put all my sins behind Your back." Does God "forget" our sins, as people commonly say? I don't think so. That's crazy to come to an omniscient God and say, "So, do You remember that horrible thing that I did on April 12, 2010?" and expect Him to scratch His head and reply, "April 12? Gosh, I think that day might be erased from My infinite memory... This is perplexing." No. I don't think He forgets in the way that we forget things. But He forgives. And He puts our sins behind His back, never to think about them again.
But we like to run behind His back, pick them up, and stick them in His face again. "See? Isn't that horrible what I did? Oh, You must hate me now..."
"Um, didn't I already deal with this one?"
"Well, yeah, but I thought You might have forgotten something the first time You forgave me. Or maybe You weren't paying attention and didn't really mean that You still love me. I mean, look at this! Obviously You missed this part right here. This is truly unforgivable. This part is too big for even You to forgive. I mean, seriously, there has to be a limit to what Jesus' sacrifice can cover, and if there is, this is it! I'm the unforgivable one! You found me! Oh, woe is me!"
Why in the world do we try to convince God not to forgive us?
Hand it over to God. Leave it there. And trust that He has covered your sins. We yank our sins back from God's hands and feel guilty about them all over again because of a lack of faith in the cleansing blood of Jesus Christ. Think about it: Who are you to think that you're the one special person in the universe whose sins God can't put behind His back?
