Day 1: October 17, 2012
Experiment began. Started well in the morning. Committed not to exceed a certain amount of TV/movies, internet browsing, etc. Evening found me glued to The Weather Channel and weather website tracking the progress of a potential tornado. Scheduled sleep hours thrown off due to not wanting to go to a storm shelter in my pajamas.
Day 2: October 18, 2012
Started well again. A few hours later, curled up under a blanket in front of the television with nausea and dizziness. Stayed up too late because rice takes a long time to cook.
Day 3: October 19, 2012
Didn't even start well -- woke up with a piercing dehydration headache from the day before's lack of food and water. Stayed up late because of company. Ate too many cookies.
A few days later found me looking up at a huge (metaphorical) brick wall. Here I was, striving to make Jesus Christ my first priority, and I was not becoming radiant. I did not have a gentle and quiet spirit. I was not experiencing healing. I was less healthy and more riddled with anxieties, annoyances and disappointments than ever. (If you want to become convinced that spiritual warfare exists, try this experiment.)
I took a walk under the stars, promising to pray through this impasse. I could feel it; I could taste it; victory was at my fingertips. And then came the whisper of Christ in my heart: Run.
Probably a small command for most of you, but honestly, a solid run for more than about a minute would be nigh miraculous for me. "Jesus, I can't run." I turned my steps back toward the dorm.
Run.
I turned around. I didn't start running right away, but walked until I had undergone sufficient mental preparation; then I started running.
I made it barely a hundred feet. As I fumbled for my extremely rapid pulse, swallowing back tears, His voice came: Kendall, you can't run.
"I know! That's what I tried to tell You! Why did You ask me to?"
I can.
Though it came in only those two words, I understood the whole message: Why are you trying to break through this wall? It's impassable. You cannot make yourself like Me. Only I can do that. Beating up against this wall will not break down the wall; it will break you.
Why are you limiting yourself with flimsy human rules that do not deal with your heart? Why are you trying to clean up your outside, when I'm waiting here longing to renew you from the inside out?
Why are you trying to run...when you can't?
One of the many amazing things about this little experiment is that when something I read in Scripture or hear in a sermon grabs my attention, I never hear it only once. Within a very short amount of time, I hear the same concept from no fewer than two individual, totally unconnected sources. It's not as though I go out and Google what the Lord spoke to me about; He just does it Himself.
And one thing I have heard over and over and over -- from different places and different sources that I wasn't even looking for -- is this:
"Our old self was crucified with [Christ] so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin." (Romans 6:6)
I have always been very tempted to legalism, which means I can also get extremely caught up in the letter of the law while completely neglecting the spirit (just ask me how I've managed to have multiple relationships without ever dating). So when I began this experiment, I started with a lot of rules: Don't watch more than one movie a week, don't get on Facebook more than once a week, have an hour of Bible study in the morning and an hour in the evening, and so on. And I became so caught up in those rules and wanting to follow them perfectly that the whole experiment became about the rules...not Jesus Christ.
There were definitely practical changes that needed to be made in my life to create more time to cultivate intimacy. If I put as much time into my friendships as I'd been putting into my relationship with Jesus, I'd always be having "I-haven't-seen-you-in-forever" chats. There's things that need to go. But it can't become about getting rid of those things. It has to be about Him.
Because when I sleep in an hour or get on Facebook on an "off" day, sure, I felt sheepish. But nothing threw my days off like neglecting time at the feet of King Jesus. Nothing killed a Bible study quicker than going in with a "check-it-off-my-list" mentality.
I want to reassure you of just one thing, my friend, that you may wonder from time to time from the midst of this crazy whirling thing called life.
It works.
When I opened my Bible hungry for God, asking for His guidance,
direction, and voice...I have never seen an hour fly by faster. I have
never had such victorious, peaceful days. I've never seen anxiety and
peevishness flee that quickly.
Christianity's practical. Christianity works, because our old self died with Jesus Christ 2,000 years ago, and if we believe it, we are dead to sin, and sin is not our master.
How often do we reckon that as truth? Not nearly as often enough. How often do we reckon all of Scripture as truth? Not nearly often enough.
So my two weeks are over. But I'm not done, not hardly. I'm just getting started.
Or rather...He's just getting started.
Feel free to join.
