Bravery and fearlessness are not the same thing.
Didn't we learn that from The Princess Diaries? You know, that inspiring scene where Mia's dad does a voiceover and tells her that courage is not the absence of fear, but the determination that something else is more important?
I know that. Shoot, I've watched that movie more times than Frozen, and I can't even tell you how many times I've seen Frozen.
Then why did I spend more than two years of my life trying to make bravery and fearlessness synonymous?
Can I tell you something hard and real?
A year ago at this time, I was afraid to walk across a parking lot. Just getting to class required an internal pep talk and deep breathing. Going to the store was even worse. Going to clinicals was nigh-crippling. Fortunately, I was more afraid of failing nursing school than I was of the walk across the parking lot or a day of clinicals. I tried to stay away from stores; if I had to go, I tried to keep a friend in sight at all times.
And so I convinced myself that if I was afraid just to walk across a parking lot, then I was not brave. I was a coward. I was pathetic.
Those are the lies that anxiety whispers to you when you're wondering why you're nervous to do normal things like shower or check your mail.
But here's the real truth.
If you're afraid to walk across the parking lot, and you do it anyway, you did a brave thing.
If you're terrified to shower and you shower anyway, you did a brave thing.
It doesn't matter how small the thing is that you're afraid of; if you do it anyway, that was brave. And so if you're afraid of absolutely everything, and you keep on living anyway, you're one of the bravest people out there -- because people are sitting in their comfortable lives never doing anything scary, and you're doing scary brave things every time you take a breath.
Don't ever think that being afraid makes you pathetic or weak. And don't ever think that you haven't won victory if your heart is pounding and your head is spinning. The victory lies in doing it afraid.
Don't wait until you're not afraid; only then would the fear win. Do it afraid, and you win. Every time. I don't care if you had a panic attack in the middle; you did it, and you won. Don't give up. Don't hate yourself for your fear. Just do it afraid.
And one day…not right away, perhaps eons down the road, then maybe… just maybe ...doing it afraid will turn into just doing it. I'm not afraid to walk across parking lots anymore. I go to the store without a hint of trepidation. I have very normal anxiety levels on clinical days.
But before all that happened, I faced hundreds of days where I had to do "it" -- getting up, doing normal people things, living -- afraid. And even if I were still doing it afraid, that would be okay. The more fear shouting and pulling and crippling, the taller your Brave stands, fighting through the lies and daring to live anyway.
So next time you're doing something with shaking hands and a disproportionate amount of adrenaline, don't tell yourself you're a coward. Tell yourself the truth: you're doing big and brave things (you're doing it!!), and no one has ever been less of a coward.
