I've never really been an Old Testament girl. My Bible has always looked rather lopsided, with the New Testament well-worn and heavily underlined and the Old sitting sad and lonely with the majority of the marks of its use in Psalms. However, for my Old Testament college course, I am required to read a little under two-thirds of the OT. I made it through the Books of the Law with a little bit of difficulty, but I certainly learned things about our Lord's holiness. And the fact that He deeply cares about people who have accidentally killed someone (seriously, it's in there at least five times -- what a heart He has to protect them!).
A few days ago, my reading brought me to Judges. When I came to the story of Gideon, it was tempting to skim the story so that I could simply refresh my memory and get through more pages. But the Holy Spirit urged my heart to slow down and absorb every single line and verse of what I was reading. (This really has nothing to do with the point of this post, I just love the way God brings certain things to my attention -- He loves me, He loves me!)
Gideon had an enormous calling. He was called to rescue Israel from the hands of their enemies, the Midianites. And, like so many of us, he did not feel qualified for this calling. "But Lord," he protested, "how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family!"
I hear echoes of Gideon's protests in my own prayers. "I'm not old enough." "I'm not wise enough." "I'm not smart enough." "I don't have enough money." "I'm not very good at that; I really feel my gifting is in another area."
And here's what God says.
"Go in the strength you have and save Israel."
Not, "Oh, golly gee Gideon, you're right. I didn't think of that. I'll go find someone else. You keep hiding in your wine press."
Not, "Whoa, I see what you mean -- you're scrawny! Drop down and give me twenty! Bulk up a bit, and I'll come back when your biceps are big enough to handle this calling."
No. Not, "Go get more strength."
"Go in the strength you have."
Take what you have already... Give it to Me... And I will do the rest.
And then, to seal the deal, He reminds Gideon of something very important.
"Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian's hand. Am I not sending you?"
Can't you see it? Why would you doubt? Why would you believe this is impossible? Are you forgetting who it is that asked you to go?
Is it not the Creator of the Universe who calls us?
The Almighty Savior who conquered death?
The ever-present Friend who longs to be near and hear our every prayer?
Is it not an all-powerful, loving, beautiful LORD who sends us?
"I will be with you," He continues, "and you will strike down all the Midianites."
All of them.
And He will be with us!
Do not wait, my friend, and do not worry! Do not consider yourself unqualified! Go in the strength you have -- and He will fight for you. Step out in faith, willing to be used, no matter how small and insignificant you feel. (Not only did Gideon feel unqualified, but once he obeyed anyway, God actually made him decrease the number of fighting men he had with him!)
If I had enough strength to do things on my own, this life would be about me. But it's not about me. It's about Him.
So I commit to go...in the strength I have. Not worrying about tomorrow. Not worrying about failure. May we claim the victory that has already been purchased by the blood of Jesus Christ. May we live in the freedom won by the Cross, sealed by our Commander in heaven!
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Saturday, September 3, 2011
The God Who Hears
"If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him!" ~Matthew 7:11
I like flowery language. I like my prayers to sound profound. I like to use big words, and have my language flow, and sound overall very smart.
I was in the middle of one such smart-sounding prayer the other night when an image flashed through my mind with a force that made me completely forget what I had just been praying about.
I was sitting on the floor -- not even kneeling, really, just sitting -- and in front of me was a Man in a chair, leaning forward, listening intently to everything I was saying.
And when that image flashed into my mind, I no longer had anything to say.
I've talked to a fair number of people in my lifetime, and there is nothing that bothers me more than when the person I'm talking to isn't really listening. And let's face it -- most of the time, people aren't really listening. They have other things on their mind. They're wondering who sent the text that just buzzed in their pocket. They're thinking, "Oh my gosh, would this Kendall girl please just shut up!"
And I think that's how I approach God as a talker. I talk without really believing He's intently listening. I know He can hear me, and probably some divine stenographer is writing down everything I say to bring it to His attention later. As a result, it's far less frequent than it should be that I really experience God's presence as I'm praying.
But once again, I have approached everything with the wrong attitude: Believing that it's all about me.
Prayer is not about me talking.
It's about God listening.
It's about an amazing Heavenly Daddy who, when you whisper "Dear God" in the back of your mind, leans forward. He is incredibly eager to hear what you have to say. He's incredibly eager to meet you, right then and there, while you're talking. He listens. With 100% of His attention (God has a lot of attention).
Prayer is about God listening. I wish I would have understood that years ago. If God didn't exist... If God didn't have the power to change circumstances, to change hearts, to change my heart... What good would prayer be? Could I change the world with prayers directed at an empty heaven, no matter how flowery?
Moreover, since God is so gracious to listen with undivided attention to me...should I not give the same undivided attention to Him when He speaks?
"Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear." ~Isaiah 65:24
I like flowery language. I like my prayers to sound profound. I like to use big words, and have my language flow, and sound overall very smart.
I was in the middle of one such smart-sounding prayer the other night when an image flashed through my mind with a force that made me completely forget what I had just been praying about.
I was sitting on the floor -- not even kneeling, really, just sitting -- and in front of me was a Man in a chair, leaning forward, listening intently to everything I was saying.
And when that image flashed into my mind, I no longer had anything to say.
I've talked to a fair number of people in my lifetime, and there is nothing that bothers me more than when the person I'm talking to isn't really listening. And let's face it -- most of the time, people aren't really listening. They have other things on their mind. They're wondering who sent the text that just buzzed in their pocket. They're thinking, "Oh my gosh, would this Kendall girl please just shut up!"
And I think that's how I approach God as a talker. I talk without really believing He's intently listening. I know He can hear me, and probably some divine stenographer is writing down everything I say to bring it to His attention later. As a result, it's far less frequent than it should be that I really experience God's presence as I'm praying.
But once again, I have approached everything with the wrong attitude: Believing that it's all about me.
Prayer is not about me talking.
It's about God listening.
It's about an amazing Heavenly Daddy who, when you whisper "Dear God" in the back of your mind, leans forward. He is incredibly eager to hear what you have to say. He's incredibly eager to meet you, right then and there, while you're talking. He listens. With 100% of His attention (God has a lot of attention).
Prayer is about God listening. I wish I would have understood that years ago. If God didn't exist... If God didn't have the power to change circumstances, to change hearts, to change my heart... What good would prayer be? Could I change the world with prayers directed at an empty heaven, no matter how flowery?
Moreover, since God is so gracious to listen with undivided attention to me...should I not give the same undivided attention to Him when He speaks?
"Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear." ~Isaiah 65:24
Sunday, August 28, 2011
In Your Arms
I'm turning the world off, embracing the silence
Walking away from all the voices that are screaming in my ear
I've been too caught up; I've been so stressed out
And all of the noise replaced the whisper that used to be so clear
So I close every door and put my face back on the floor...
~"In Your Arms," Meredith Andrews
"What do you want to teach me, God? What are you asking of me? What do you want me to hear from You?"
The questions continue as my frustration grows at the lack of communication I seem to be having. Are my prayers getting through? Do dorm room walls somehow block out Jesus?
And then, all of a sudden, the answer slams into me, as subtle as a sledgehammer and as gentle as a landing butterfly.
Be still!
There is nothing that compares to sitting with Jesus for minute upon minute, hour upon hour... But in the middle of so much going on, what about when I don't have time for hours to be still?
But He didn't say, Be still for six hours. He just said, "Be still! Period!"
So I did...
Oh goodness, Jesus loves me. How much He longs to tell me, every day, through everything! How He wants me to run to Him, let Him protect me, understand how He watches over me. How desperately He longs for me to obey Him so that I can experience greater intimacy with Him.
And as I kneel in His throne room...how He longs to rise up from His throne, and rush down to me.
To me!!
I love you, He whispers. Can I show you? Can you see everything in this entire world as part of a love song and a love story I am writing between us? Can you see everything as an opportunity to come closer to Me? Can I pick you up, can I hold you close, can I guide you and lead you and love you?
How He loves...
"Be still," He whispers. "Be still and let Me love you."
That's all He wants to teach me right now. Because nothing else in this world matters. We love because He first loved us...so how can we love without understanding the depth of that glorious love?
Oh, that He would love in and through me!
Walking away from all the voices that are screaming in my ear
I've been too caught up; I've been so stressed out
And all of the noise replaced the whisper that used to be so clear
So I close every door and put my face back on the floor...
~"In Your Arms," Meredith Andrews
"What do you want to teach me, God? What are you asking of me? What do you want me to hear from You?"
The questions continue as my frustration grows at the lack of communication I seem to be having. Are my prayers getting through? Do dorm room walls somehow block out Jesus?
And then, all of a sudden, the answer slams into me, as subtle as a sledgehammer and as gentle as a landing butterfly.
Be still!
There is nothing that compares to sitting with Jesus for minute upon minute, hour upon hour... But in the middle of so much going on, what about when I don't have time for hours to be still?
But He didn't say, Be still for six hours. He just said, "Be still! Period!"
So I did...
Oh goodness, Jesus loves me. How much He longs to tell me, every day, through everything! How He wants me to run to Him, let Him protect me, understand how He watches over me. How desperately He longs for me to obey Him so that I can experience greater intimacy with Him.
And as I kneel in His throne room...how He longs to rise up from His throne, and rush down to me.
To me!!
I love you, He whispers. Can I show you? Can you see everything in this entire world as part of a love song and a love story I am writing between us? Can you see everything as an opportunity to come closer to Me? Can I pick you up, can I hold you close, can I guide you and lead you and love you?
How He loves...
"Be still," He whispers. "Be still and let Me love you."
That's all He wants to teach me right now. Because nothing else in this world matters. We love because He first loved us...so how can we love without understanding the depth of that glorious love?
Oh, that He would love in and through me!
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Jesus Loves Me
Jesus loves me.
Simple fact.
Jesus loves me.
He does not want me to be miserable.
He does not have devious plans to ruin my life.
He does not hate my stuff.
He does not want me to be a dull, boring person cooped up in a bare house my whole life.
He doesn't want me to never have fun.
He loves me.
And He knows. He knows the plans He has for me. He doesn't have a vague inkling. He doesn't randomly switch His ideas about my future on every odd-numbered Tuesday. He knows.
Goodness knows I don't... I'm glad Someone does!
When I feel like I don't fit in... When I wonder to myself, "What in the world am I doing here?"... When I want to turn and run the other way, a gentle whisper embraces my heart and says, "I love you, and I know."
I still don't
But He does. And He loves me.
And when I hang back, he turns His head to look at me. He smiles, holds out His hand, and without a word, His eyes say, "Will you follow?"
When I say, "I can't," He says, "I can."
When I say, "It's too hard," He says, "My burden is light."
When I say, "It's too dangerous," He says, "You will walk through fire and not be burned."
Through fire!...and not be burned!
Jesus loves me.
Jesus loves you.
The least I can do is love Him back.
Simple fact.
Jesus loves me.
He does not want me to be miserable.
He does not have devious plans to ruin my life.
He does not hate my stuff.
He does not want me to be a dull, boring person cooped up in a bare house my whole life.
He doesn't want me to never have fun.
He loves me.
And He knows. He knows the plans He has for me. He doesn't have a vague inkling. He doesn't randomly switch His ideas about my future on every odd-numbered Tuesday. He knows.
Goodness knows I don't... I'm glad Someone does!
When I feel like I don't fit in... When I wonder to myself, "What in the world am I doing here?"... When I want to turn and run the other way, a gentle whisper embraces my heart and says, "I love you, and I know."
I still don't
But He does. And He loves me.
And when I hang back, he turns His head to look at me. He smiles, holds out His hand, and without a word, His eyes say, "Will you follow?"
When I say, "I can't," He says, "I can."
When I say, "It's too hard," He says, "My burden is light."
When I say, "It's too dangerous," He says, "You will walk through fire and not be burned."
Through fire!...and not be burned!
Jesus loves me.
Jesus loves you.
The least I can do is love Him back.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Followers
Hi all,
For some reason unbeknownst to me, you are no longer able to "follow" my blog (I am not sure if this holds true for people who are already following). I added something on the right side of the page (over there --->) so that you can subscribe by email to be notified of new posts.
I appreciate each and every one of you! Blessings on your week, and I'll update/post again once I'm settled into college. =)
Many blessings,
Kendall
For some reason unbeknownst to me, you are no longer able to "follow" my blog (I am not sure if this holds true for people who are already following). I added something on the right side of the page (over there --->) so that you can subscribe by email to be notified of new posts.
I appreciate each and every one of you! Blessings on your week, and I'll update/post again once I'm settled into college. =)
Many blessings,
Kendall
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
"What are you afraid of? Let God act. Abandon yourself to Him. You will suffer, but you will suffer with love, peace, and consolation. You will fight, but you can carry off the victory, and God Himself, after having fought with you, will crown you with His own hand. You will weep, but your tears will be sweet, and God Himself will come with satisfaction to dry them. You will not be free any longer to give yourself up to your tyrannic passions, but you will sacrifice your liberty freely, and you will enter into a new liberty unknown to the world, in which you will do nothing except for love."
~Francois Fenelon
~Francois Fenelon
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Surrendering Spiders
Let me tell you a little story about me. Me and spiders.
Me and spiders don't get along very well. Not only do I have a fear of them, but I have a fear of killing them. This proves quite problematic.
Therefore, last night, when I marched into the bathroom and discovered a spider half the size of my hand (I have small hands, so that's not really an exaggeration), there was only one thing to do: Run away.
So I ran to my brother and begged him to come kill it (scaring him half to death in the process, poor guy). And of course, what do spiders do when you take your eyes off them for two seconds? They disappear. Vanish into thin air, unable to be seen by the valiant spider-killers who have left their comfortable beds to come save you.
Armed with a towel my brother promised would defend me against the spider's spiderly wiles, I sneaked back into the bathroom. I rounded the corner, and LO! There he (or she) was. Nearly falling over the laundry hamper, I abandoned my towel sword and ran frantically around trying to find the vacuum that I had apparently misplaced. After much crashing noises, stubbing of toes, and skipped heartbeats, I was finally poised four feet across from the spider, my eyes narrowed in a glare that causes humans to believe I hate them but apparently does nothing to spiders, holding the vacuum, ready to suck up the spider that had ruined my peaceful night's sleep.
Safely back in bed after disposing of the tiny creature I had not-so-fondly nicknamed "Beelzebub," I didn't fall asleep until I heard that tiny voice:
"I want that."
I wrinkled my metaphorical brow in confusion. "You want what?"
"I want that paralyzing fear. I want you to hand it over to Me."
I'm fairly certain my little brain-me was laughing. "You want spiders? You want me to surrender my fear of spiders?"
Apparently. All of a sudden it was no laughing matter.
"Really? Are You sure? It's really not a big deal..."
"Then why won't you give it up?"
"Good question..."
What does God do when you ask to be close to Him? He answers. And He answers by stripping away everything in your life that is not of Him. Great and small do not exist in His eyes; every single tiny little thing is important to Him. If there is a teeny-tiny little thing that is keeping you from being completely sold out for Him, I can guarantee that when you ask for intimacy with Christ, He will go to all lengths to get that teeny-tiny little thing out of your life.
I like when God asks for big things. It makes me feel better about myself. I feel very self-satisfied when I follow His call in giving up a pastime, an addiction, a relationship -- something that has been a huge, very obvious part of my life.
And then there are the times He asks for the not-so-big things. Like spiders. And when He asks for these things, to my shock and horror I discover that these tiny little things have a fiercer hold over my heart than anything big He's ever taken away. He slowly shows to me that fear and compromise are a part of my every day life in areas I've never even thought about. Jesus cares what I think of spiders?? Yes. Yes He does. It was news to me too.
So I am embarking on a rather terrifying journey: Overcoming fear through the power of Christ. The fear just happens to be of eight-legged creepy crawlers who, my entomologically-learned brother informed me, are mostly harmless in my pleasant little home.
We were not made to be enslaved to anyone or anything but Christ. Let us take hold of the power of the cross in every area of our lives -- no matter how ridiculous it is. He cares. He desires that part of your heart. He loves. And He has overcome.
Me and spiders don't get along very well. Not only do I have a fear of them, but I have a fear of killing them. This proves quite problematic.
Therefore, last night, when I marched into the bathroom and discovered a spider half the size of my hand (I have small hands, so that's not really an exaggeration), there was only one thing to do: Run away.
So I ran to my brother and begged him to come kill it (scaring him half to death in the process, poor guy). And of course, what do spiders do when you take your eyes off them for two seconds? They disappear. Vanish into thin air, unable to be seen by the valiant spider-killers who have left their comfortable beds to come save you.
Armed with a towel my brother promised would defend me against the spider's spiderly wiles, I sneaked back into the bathroom. I rounded the corner, and LO! There he (or she) was. Nearly falling over the laundry hamper, I abandoned my towel sword and ran frantically around trying to find the vacuum that I had apparently misplaced. After much crashing noises, stubbing of toes, and skipped heartbeats, I was finally poised four feet across from the spider, my eyes narrowed in a glare that causes humans to believe I hate them but apparently does nothing to spiders, holding the vacuum, ready to suck up the spider that had ruined my peaceful night's sleep.
Safely back in bed after disposing of the tiny creature I had not-so-fondly nicknamed "Beelzebub," I didn't fall asleep until I heard that tiny voice:
"I want that."
I wrinkled my metaphorical brow in confusion. "You want what?"
"I want that paralyzing fear. I want you to hand it over to Me."
I'm fairly certain my little brain-me was laughing. "You want spiders? You want me to surrender my fear of spiders?"
Apparently. All of a sudden it was no laughing matter.
"Really? Are You sure? It's really not a big deal..."
"Then why won't you give it up?"
"Good question..."
What does God do when you ask to be close to Him? He answers. And He answers by stripping away everything in your life that is not of Him. Great and small do not exist in His eyes; every single tiny little thing is important to Him. If there is a teeny-tiny little thing that is keeping you from being completely sold out for Him, I can guarantee that when you ask for intimacy with Christ, He will go to all lengths to get that teeny-tiny little thing out of your life.
I like when God asks for big things. It makes me feel better about myself. I feel very self-satisfied when I follow His call in giving up a pastime, an addiction, a relationship -- something that has been a huge, very obvious part of my life.
And then there are the times He asks for the not-so-big things. Like spiders. And when He asks for these things, to my shock and horror I discover that these tiny little things have a fiercer hold over my heart than anything big He's ever taken away. He slowly shows to me that fear and compromise are a part of my every day life in areas I've never even thought about. Jesus cares what I think of spiders?? Yes. Yes He does. It was news to me too.
So I am embarking on a rather terrifying journey: Overcoming fear through the power of Christ. The fear just happens to be of eight-legged creepy crawlers who, my entomologically-learned brother informed me, are mostly harmless in my pleasant little home.
We were not made to be enslaved to anyone or anything but Christ. Let us take hold of the power of the cross in every area of our lives -- no matter how ridiculous it is. He cares. He desires that part of your heart. He loves. And He has overcome.
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