Jesus Loves Me

Jesus loves me.

Simple fact.

Jesus loves me.

He does not want me to be miserable.

He does not have devious plans to ruin my life.

He does not hate my stuff.

He does not want me to be a dull, boring person cooped up in a bare house my whole life.

He doesn't want me to never have fun.

He loves me.

And He knows. He knows the plans He has for me. He doesn't have a vague inkling. He doesn't randomly switch His ideas about my future on every odd-numbered Tuesday. He knows.

Goodness knows I don't... I'm glad Someone does!

When I feel like I don't fit in... When I wonder to myself, "What in the world am I doing here?"... When I want to turn and run the other way, a gentle whisper embraces my heart and says, "I love you, and I know."

I still don't

But He does. And He loves me.

And when I hang back, he turns His head to look at me. He smiles, holds out His hand, and without a word, His eyes say, "Will you follow?"

When I say, "I can't," He says, "I can."

When I say, "It's too hard," He says, "My burden is light."

When I say, "It's too dangerous," He says, "You will walk through fire and not be burned."

Through fire!...and not be burned!

Jesus loves me.

Jesus loves you.

The least I can do is love Him back.

Relinquishing the Pen

I tear the love story I’ve written into shreds and throw them into the fire. Burying my face in my arms, I lie crumpled on the floor, unable to believe I could have let myself get carried away like that. I have hurt not only myself, but also the others involved in the story I have penned for myself.

The Lover of my soul appears, seemingly out of nowhere, and sits beside me while I cry. His arms wrap tightly around me, and His heart lavishes compassion on me. He doesn’t say a word; His presence is enough to soon calm my tears.

I look up at Him. “What did I do wrong?”

His eyes are filled with sadness. His heart is breaking for me; I can tell. I want to go back and erase it all. I want a fresh start. “Beloved, you did not ask of Me.”

I collapse into tears again, ashamed that I have walked away from my truest Friend. He stays beside me, comforting me. He assures me He will not leave me. And then He says the one thing I have been dying to hear.

“I can make it all go away. I can give you a new beginning.”

I look up with hope and dash away the tears. “Do You mean it?”

“I do. All you have to do is give Me that pen, and I’ll start it all over for you.”

I look down at the pen upon which His eyes are resting. I grimace. “Lord, this isn’t just the pen I’ve used to write my love story… It’s what I’ve been using to write my life story.”

“If you would have Me write a beautiful love story, I must have your entire life. But the choice is up to you.”

I gaze into His eyes, so full of love. I know that if I give up the pen, He will write a story beyond what I can even comprehend. But even so, I enjoy the security of my pen. I enjoy having the option of saying “no” to something He suggests. If nothing else, it is entertaining to try out certain plot devices, even if they had never worked out before and likely wouldn’t in the future.

“How about we collaborate?” I suggest hopefully. “I’ll leave the pen on that desk there, and when You want to write something You can, and when I want to write something, I can.”

“The choice is up to you,” He repeats.

I smile, glad that we’ve come to an agreement.

Time passes. I find myself in the middle of another love story. Since I’ve asked my heavenly Lover to collaborate, I’m sure that this time, it will all work out all right.

But it’s not too long before I find myself ripping it to shreds and tossing it in the fire yet again.

“Why didn’t you intervene?” I rage at Him. “I told You we would collaborate. Why didn’t You make it all work out in the end?”

“You began with ideas that were all your own – not Mine. If you had realized this earlier and asked Me to step in, I would have – but you never left the pen. You asked Me to collaborate, but you never even stepped aside and asked My opinion.”

I stare down at the pen. He is right. I had never once abandoned my post as author. Even if I had, all of His time would have been spent cleaning up the mess I had made. There would be no time for new adventures. If we switched off writing, it would be an endless rollercoaster, where I would write myself into a corner, He would write me out of it, and then it would all begin again. There was nothing beautiful about that.

“What do I have to do, then?” I ask.

“You have to give it up. Completely.”

I look down at the pen that has been my best friend and my worst enemy. Can I really leave it all behind? Can I forsake what I want to write into my life? Can I leave it entirely up to Him?

I look at Him. He looks back. He is longing for me to hand the pen over. He has a story in mind. I can see it written all over His face. He wants to write it, to make it all turn out beautifully, to bring it to a glorious ending that’s even better than the fairy tales.

I look at the pen again. I think of the heartache that it has cost me. I think of all the people I’ve hurt by my unskilled writing.

I walk up to my Lover, fall to the ground before Him, and there leave the pen. Never to pick it up again.

Dear Beautiful

Dear Beautiful,

I know what goes on inside that head of yours. I might not know specifics, since we have very different lives, families, experiences. But in general, as a teenage girl in 2011, I know what those thoughts are. They go through my head, too.

You think nothing you do is ever good enough. You're always disappointing someone -- your parents, your friends, maybe just yourself. You don't measure up. You'll never be able to do anything right, or at least right enough to set you apart and get you noticed.

You don't think you're beautiful. It doesn't matter how many people tell you you're gorgeous -- they're your friends, they have to say that. And if one of them actually criticizes you, it hurts more than anything; after all, who would know better than they? Maybe you even make disparaging comments about your appearance so that you can hear other people contradict you. A stranger's compliment means more than anything the people who know you best could ever say. If warned that a guy only liked you for your looks, you might even be delighted. If your looks are enough to attract, without all that "personality" junk, that would mean you're pretty gosh-darn gorgeous! But somehow, not even that affirmation would be enough to convince you of your beauty.

You want a problem. Maybe you don't know it, and maybe your "problem" is genuine. But when the people around you struggle, they get attention. And however subconsciously, you want a problem so that you'll need that help and attention. You feel absolutely horrible for wanting this attention that others desperately need; but somehow, you can't help it. Your "problem" might be as subtle as self-pity over how you are always helping others, and no one even thinks that you might need help.

And all of this can come back to a very human, very feminine need: To be loved. Really, truly loved. We girls want and need it so badly that when the potential of that love occurs, we either throw ourselves into it without a thought, afraid of losing it, or hang back, fearing it's too good to be true.

And naturally, we think this love will come in the form of a guy.

It's only natural that we think this. After all, "Someday my prince will come" has been fed to us since the age of two. Our prince would come, transform us from rags to riches, and we'd live happily ever after. Everything would be solved by this one magical man. So of course, we look for him. We become self-conscious. After all, what if that magical man meets you on a bad hair day when you didn't have time to do your make-up? Would the entire course of history change because your mascara was neglected that morning?

We begin looking in the craziest places for this guy to appear. "Well, he's not exactly what I've pictured... But I can change him! He's cute, and he likes me! How often does that happen? He must be the one!" Or maybe he doesn't even like you in that way...but if you can just become a little prettier, if you can just do a little more to catch his eye, he'll realize what a gem you are...and he'll become "the one."

And all the while, we're silently screaming, "See me. Notice me. Think I'm worth something. Give me a reason to get up in the morning. Love me."

By the time we graduate high school, our hearts are no longer whole. They've been held out to anyone -- everyone -- freely. You hope this gift of your heart will be enough. That someone will accept it. And perhaps it has occasionally been accepted -- and then handed back, battered and bruised, leaving you even less to offer the next passer-by.

Instead of meeting that deepest need of your feminine heart, pursuing a guy's attention has actually made that need deeper. But no matter how many times a crush fails to satisfy you, you somehow still think the answer to all your problems can be solved by a boy.

You know what's coming now. I'm going to tell you that your heart's desire for love and attention cannot be met by a guy. It can only be found in Jesus Christ.

"I know," you say, "I've heard it a million times. But Kendall, I'm sorry, I've tried to let God be enough. And He's not."

Maybe you wouldn't put it that bluntly. But admit it: At some point in your life, the "Jesus thing" didn't work for you. You tried seeking Jesus, but that wasn't enough. God's love was not enough. I mean, think about it: He loves everyone. He thinks you're beautiful, but He made you; He has to think that. He can love you across time and space, but He can't reach out and tangibly take your hand or give you a hug. It's almost...commonplace. Not special.

Not enough. You need God...and something else.

May I suggest something? It's not comfortable. It's not nice. It's not what you want to hear.

You don't have room for God.

I've tried seeking Him, you say. How much time per day do you spend diving into His Word? Pouring your heart out in prayer? Allow me to venture a guess that it's not as much time as you spend on Facebook or texting your friends. (And I'm guilty of that too.)

I've tried to let His love be enough, you say. Have you allowed Him to strip away everything else in your life that's distracting you from His overwhelming adoration? Have you sat silently at His feet, allowing Him to restore life to your aching heart?

I can't reach out and touch Him, you say. Can't you? He stated that whatever you do for the least of these around you, you do for Him. Haven't you ever seen Christ in the face of a child in Sunday school? Haven't you ever felt Him in the hug of a loving friend? Have you ever asked to see through the eyes of Jesus?

He loves everyone, you say. Yes. He loves you perfectly. Uniquely. He designed you just the way He wanted you, to accomplish a specific purpose on this earth. He is incredibly in love with you, with your heart, with your life. If you were the only one He would have saved, He still would have given His life for you. And He knows every single little thing you've ever said, done, or thought. He knows what goes on inside your mind in the middle of the night -- the things that no one else will ever know, nor would you want them too. He knows all that; and He still loves you.

If you truly want to be satisfied by this glorious God, sweet girl, you need to seek Him with your entire heart. The attention you crave must be forgotten. Any needs to be told you're beautiful in the world's eyes must be laid to rest at the foot of the cross. To have the deepest longings of your feminine heart satisfied, you must stop trying to satisfy them with anything else.

Let this world fade away. Allow Him to tear down your idols. And I promise -- when He becomes all you want, He becomes all you need.

You cannot seek God while this world fills your heart. Empty yourself; and then fill. Fill to overflowing. Pour out your life at Jesus' feet, and then be filled beyond all imagination with a love that will never leave you wanting more.

And then one day, you will experience a love story like no other. As you fall more in love with Jesus, you'll fall more in love with this man; and as you fall more in love with this man, you'll fall more in love with Jesus. He'll think you're gorgeous without any make-up, on a bad hair day, because it's the glowing, whole heart that is consumed with love for a beautiful Savior that attracts him. He'll love your eyes and your smile because they're yours, not because the world has decided that they meet some fickle, ever-changing criteria of beauty. His passion for Christ will inspire you to greater passion, and your passion will do the same for him.

And it all begins with coming to Jesus and making the decision to follow wholeheartedly. It means ceasing to live by the world's standards, forsaking all, and embracing a new meaning of beauty. It is a radical emptying of self, determining to live only for the applause of heaven.

You have the opportunity to be radiant. Will you let it slip through your fingers, continuing in a pattern of pain, heartbreak, and an ever-growing need for acknowledgment and affection? Or will you seize this opportunity, and become a shining example of God's pure power?

"Listen, O daughter, consider and give ear: Forget your people and your father's house. The King is enthralled by your beauty; honor Him, for He is your Lord." ~Psalm 45:10-11 (emphasis added)

I am praying for you.

In His Love,
Kendall

You're Beautiful

I sat down to write about how beautiful my God is. But my heart is too full for words. All I want to do is worship this amazing God. All I want to do is give Him every part of me. I can't even begin to describe all He's done for me. He quite literally turned my life around and took it in a direction I never would've imagined for myself. He's been so much more than enough. And even though I've just succeeded in writing a paragraph about how amazing He is, my words right now don't seem nearly enough for how much He's done for me.

So, I kinda want to know: What are some of your amazing God stories from the past year? How has He changed you? How has He saved you? What has He done for you, and what has He led you to do for Him? At this time of year, when we tend to take for granted that He came as a baby to live a perfect life and die for us, what is it that brings you to your knees in amazement?

And yeah, I really truly want to know. So leave a comment on this post, or on the Facebook link, or send me a message, because I want to be astounded by how He's working in your life. So then we can worship Him together.

I love each and every one of you, and I pray that you are learning to discover the glorious riches of the love of Jesus Christ.

Merry Christmas.

Crazy Love

Bear with me for a moment, and let me tell you who you are.

You are chosen. You are designed with a purpose. Not a single feature on your face is a mistake. You're smile was specifically created just for you, though it was meant to be shared.

You were so beautifully designed that Someone fell in love with you. In fact, He fell in love with you before you were even born. He knew who you would be. He knew every mistake you would ever make. He knew every hair that would be on your head every second of every day. He knew all the times you would fall down; all the times you would reject His love; all the times you would spit in His face in unbelief; all the times you would walk away, feeling unworthy, unlovable, unforgivable; all the times you would turn your head away in sadness, unwilling to believe that He could wipe away every tear; all the times you would think someone else was more important than Him; all the times you would refuse to trust Him; all the times you would turn away from Him and never even give Him a thought.

But He fell in love with you nevertheless. And when you heard what He thought about you, that He believed you were beautiful and special, you couldn't believe it. It defied logic. It was too silly. Too ridiculous. It made no sense. This perfect One, falling in love with...you?

And then it got even more ridiculous. Seems this perfect Man actually died for you -- and not just died, but died an excruciatingly painful death. He suffered horribly. It was senseless. He'd done nothing wrong. You were the one who messed up. But He willingly stepped in and took your place, because He adored you. And the worst part was -- He could have come down at any moment. He could have called thousands of angels to His command. But He could see into the future, and see that one day, He would have a chance of winning your heart, if only He would stay, suffer, and die now. And so He stayed. He stayed, and He died.

But it did not end the day that He died. It began. And it got even more ridiculous. This perfect Man actually came back to life. He knew that one day, you would look at this amazing thing, this "death of death," and take it for granted. But He knew it would save you -- and so He did it anyway. He knew that His heart would break because of it, when you would go through days at a time without even thinking about it. But He did it anyway, because He was so in love with you.

And then He waited. He waited for the day you would be born. He was so, so excited. He had a beautiful life planned for you. It would not be easy. You would struggle. You would cry. You would face loneliness, rejection, depression, failure, loss, pain. But He was waiting to face it with you. He knew that if you would continually keep running back to His arms, all the pain you were experiencing would pale in comparison to His great, great love for you. In those moments with Him, you would forget this world, and you would remember that one day, the two of you would be perfectly, eternally together. And you would never hurt again.

But the world that He had created -- filled with beauty, because He wanted to fill your heart with the joy of a sunrise and the peace of a rainbow -- became distracting. You forgot that He was much, much more lovely than the world around you. And without Him in every day, the world started to lose its enchantment. Instead of the difficult but beautiful walk with Him that He had planned, you walked away, trying to face the problems set before you on your own. You knew He was still there, and you still talked to Him; but you did not understand the passionate relationship He wanted. And so while His words affected your decisions, His presence was not constantly felt in your daily life.

And so you began taking on things that He never wanted you to deal with on your own. The life He had designed to be so joyful, even in the face of adversity, was drudgery. The circumstances you were never meant to carry by yourself nearly overwhelmed you. The losses He wanted so desperately to help heal became aching, festering sores. Your heart wandered further and further away from Him as you wondered how Someone who had the ability to overcome death could allow these things to happen to you.

But this was not the way it was supposed to be. This was not the way it had to be. He made you more than a conqueror, if only you would claim His strength and your weakness each and every morning. If only you would give your life completely over to Him, to guide as He would. He would take you places you could never imagine. Not all of them would be "fun"; not all of them would be easy; and He might lead you even to death. But He would be there. And He would prove Himself far more than enough.

And so He continues waiting. He waits for you to run back. He waits for you to understand how overwhelming His love is for you. He waits for you to realize that He wants so much more than just a part of you, because He made all of you, and He loves it. He waits for you to remember that though the world is beautiful, it is fleeting, but He will always be there. He waits for you to accept His pursuit, to fall into His arms, to give Him everything that you've been carrying.

And as soon as you do, He holds you close and weeps over you. He rejoices over you as though you are the only one in the world. He heals your shattered heart. He dries your tears and does everything He can just to see you smile again. He picks up the weight that was meant to fall on His back all along. He gives you a reason to get up in the morning. He reminds you that you are His, and that though you may have left Him, though you may have tried to live without Him for a time, He never left your side. He was there, pursuing, loving, waiting. And He is so happy you came back, He will spend the rest of eternity quieting you with His love and rejoicing over you with singing. He is so excited to help you discover the life He had planned for you from the beginning of time; the life that was in His mind when He was dying; the life He loves.

Your past does not matter. Your future rests in His hands. And right here, right now, you are crazily loved.

"And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge -- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."

A Dance With Jesus

Last night was my high school's Homecoming dance. It was an emotionally exhausting evening in many ways; but I loved it. And I'm about to tell you one of the reasons.

I don't usually worry about whether or not I'm asked to dance. I dance some, I sit others out, others I dance with my friends, but it typically all averages out nicely. However, at one point last night, I was aching for a dance. So I sat down and danced with Jesus.

Sound like an oxymoron? So is Jesus' love. I sat on a bench, accepted Jesus' gentle invitation to take His hand, and waltzed through the other couples -- all while never leaving my seat. As my eyes rested on the people on the dance floor -- some I know well and love, others I've only just met -- I talked to Jesus about them. I prayed for them as individuals; for them in relation to me, in relation to the person they were dancing with, and in relation to Jesus. For some, I prayed renewed passion. I prayed peace over others. I prayed truth over the lies being spoken to some. There were those I simply praised Him for. Others, I just said, "Jesus, I have no idea what to pray for that person or even what their name is, but please work in them!"

I cried quite a few times last night for various reasons. Most of the time, people assumed there was something wrong. And most of the time, there was. I was selfishly crying for myself. But there was one point during the night when my tears were justified; and that was during my dance with Jesus. I wept for others. He stepped in and broke my heart for the things that break His. He stepped in and reminded me, "This is not about you. This is about Me. I'm holding your heart; now pray for those who haven't yet learned to give Me the pieces." And then He gently added, "And never forget that I love dancing with you, because you are so, so precious to Me."

So this is to tell all of you beautiful girls (and handsome guys) that when there's no one to dance with, Jesus steps out and says, "I want your entire life to be a dance with Me; but let's just start with this song." Your dance with Jesus may look entirely different from mine. Maybe He'll take that entire time to remind you how absolutely beautiful you are. Maybe there will be one specific person you need to talk about while dancing. Maybe it's time to close your eyes, and trust Him to lead you. Whatever it is, He'll wait there with outstretched hands.

And so the phrase, "Dance with God; He'll let the perfect man cut in" can come true; very, very literally. =)

My Lover, My Friend

You are reading the musings of a die-hard romantic. I am positively in love with love. Romance is the key ingredient of any story. If you had asked me about two months ago if I was called to be single, I would have laughed in your face, then gone home and thought about how ridiculous you were to assume that God would plan something like that for me. In my opinion, singleness was just not an option for my life. I love love too much.

Loving love has gotten me into some trouble...but that's not my point here. My point is to tell you about the ultimate Lover, the One who satisfies even when hope of an earthly romance fades away.

After obeying God's call to give up any semblance of romance in my life that was coming from a source other than Him, I thought for a long time that it was unfair. Most of my other friends had no moral problem with dating. I tried to convince myself that I had gone overboard. I had misunderstood God's call, that was all. After all, He wants me to be happy, doesn't He? But I couldn't escape the whisper upon my heart, Beloved, this is not what I have for you right now. Come close and let Me show you what I want for this season of your life.

"But God," I pleaded, "What You want's not what I want."

That's exactly My point, Beloved. Let Me give you My dreams. Let Me shape your desires. Let Me turn your world upside down.

Along this journey, I encountered some beautiful treasures in Scripture. I spent a lot of time in Hosea and Song of Songs, and discovered the nature of my Lover. Song of Songs 5:16 declares, "His mouth is sweetness itself; he is altogether lovely. This is my lover, this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem." This was the part of Himself that God wanted to reveal to me. This was the thing I had been missing, the thing He called me away to discover.

This is not an easy journey. It's not quite the definition of "fun." God will often call us away from the things that are distracting us, as He did for me. He will almost always call us to give up something so that He can prove that He is more than enough to fill. But the love that we discover is well worth it. The Beloved of Song of Songs describes it: "Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its ardor unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away."

We must be willing to surrender, and give up whatever it is that keeps us from discovering the true nature of our God. For me, it was romance and all my hopes and dreams of ever marrying. God had a heyday with that one. I don't know what it is in your life; but are you willing to be stripped down, to give up everything you know so that you can discover the joy that Jesus wants to show you?

Hosea 2:14 says, "Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her." Before He can win us, before He can capture our hearts, He must lead us out into the desert. He must take us through the wasteland before we will be able to see the beauty of what waits on the other side. Take His hand, walk into the desert with Him, and there give Him everything. He will become your Lover; He will become your Friend. Pour out everything at His feet, and He will fill you beyond what you ever thought possible.