Followers

Hi all,

For some reason unbeknownst to me, you are no longer able to "follow" my blog (I am not sure if this holds true for people who are already following). I added something on the right side of the page (over there --->) so that you can subscribe by email to be notified of new posts.

I appreciate each and every one of you! Blessings on your week, and I'll update/post again once I'm settled into college. =)

Many blessings,
Kendall

The Living Christ

"He is risen!"

"He is risen, indeed!"

Why, you might ask, is this very Easter-ish dialogue being posted in July? I will tell you why.

Because Jesus is still alive.

"Christ Jesus, who died -- more than that, who was raised to life -- is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us." ~Romans 8:34

He's not only alive, He's alive with a job: To intercede for us. To stand in the gap between us and the Father. To be able to do that, He has to know what's going on in our lives. He has to know the thoughts we think and the prayers we pray. He's alive, and is not distant, He is here.

Too often, I think we believe in the God who rose from the dead -- not the God who has risen. We believe Christ conquered death and can save us from hell, but do we believe any more than that? Do we believe that He is right here in this room, waiting to speak to us? Do we believe that He can still heal the sick and raise the dead? Or does our faith cease at salvation and fail to believe Him for the full power of God in shaping and living the Christ-life? He is capable of so much more, and how He longs for us to open up our hearts and our minds so that He can show us!

How many of us go through life never experiencing the full power of the risen Christ? Sometimes I think we are so focused on worshiping the Jesus who died for us that we forget the Jesus who lives for us. His death, while so powerful, so important, so poignant, was only made victorious through His resurrection.

And not only did He return to life -- He remains in life. We do not serve a dead God! We serve a God whose power keeps the earth in motion. We serve a God who is present in our everyday lives -- and is literally right beside us at every moment. His heart beats, His eyes see, His smile lights up the faces of His children. He is alive.

Oh Lord, may we come to live in the light of that glorious reality.

Change

I hate lasts. I hate them a lot. I don't care that lasts lead to new beginnings. I'd like my old beginnings to continue on.

But they don't. They come to an end.

Last night was my last prom. And as my last prom, it was also my last high school dance. It was wonderful, it was beautiful, and I'll have those memories forever, but when I got home, what I did was cry. I sobbed into my pillow and told God I can't do it. I can't graduate. I can't leave home and go to college halfway across the country. I can't wake up in the morning and not have the promise of seeing the beautiful faces of the people I've come to know so well the past four years. (They tell you that by the time you hit May, you'll be thrilled to graduate and get out of there. Tripe, I tell you, tripe!)

And it hurts so badly, sometimes I just want to scream. I want to hit something. I want to squeeze my fists, I want to rip up a really big plant, I want to go underwater and not come back up until I have the promise that everything will stay the same.

But things don't stay the same. Nor should they. They change. I understand it. But that doesn't mean I like it.

There is something so crucial about going through this time of change in my life. As I've gone through all these "lasts," I've been forced to ask myself, What is my constant? When I wake up in the morning, what is my trust in? While everything around me whirls out of control, what am I counting on to stay the same?

And that's when I realize that my trust is in the wrong things. My trust is in waking up to a queen-sized bed and a semi-messy room. My trust is in knowing exactly how many stairs lead up to the kitchen. My trust is in the view from my family room. My trust is in knowing exactly where every outlet is in a given area. My trust is in the mommy who never fails to remind me, "Text me when you get there." My trust is in a little blue Corolla. My trust is in a boy whose hugs I look forward to every Thursday. My trust is in a girl I can count on to hug me, and laugh and cry with me no matter what I'm going through. My trust is in a school where everyone knows your name, and you know everyone's name. My trust is in teachers who can always tell when something is wrong. My trust is in knowing I can run to my mommy's room if I get sick in the middle of the night.

And all of that is about to change. I'll be going to a place where I don't know the number of stairs leading up to a dorm room. Where I'll have a twin bed. Where I have no idea what my view will look like. Where I'll no longer text my mommy every time I go somewhere. Where I won't have a car, where I'll never get those Thursday hugs, where that girl will only be available by phone, where no one will know my name for a long time, where teachers haven't learned what I look like when I'm upset, where if I get sick in the middle of the night, I'll be all alone.

I've never been so terrified. I wish I could stay four years old for forever and sleep in my parents' bed when I get scared of the dark. I wish I could stay eight years old forever and have the imagination that never runs out of names for its dolls. I wish I could stay twelve forever, just on the brink of being a teenager. I wish I could stay seventeen and eleven twelfths forever, grown up but still held close by that childhood home.

I wish I didn't have to grow up. I wish things didn't have to change. Big girls don't cry...but now that I'm a big girl, I've never cried so much (as evidenced by the six tissues that have been used while writing this post).

But in the midst of it all, I hear whispered softly to my heart, I'm so glad you're sad. It means you understand how much you've been blessed. I'm so glad you're weak, so that I can be strong. I'm so glad you're falling down, so that I can help you back up. I'm so glad you can't do this -- because now, you'll let Me.

When everything else changes, my Jesus stays the same. When everything I've trusted in is ripped away, I have to trust in Him. When I'm all alone, I'll be quicker to run to Him. When I'm terrified, He'll hold me in His arms and remind me that He has plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me a hope and a future.

I hate lasts. I hate change. But I love my Savior. And if change is what will bring me closer to Him...then bring it on.

Dear Beautiful

Dear Beautiful,

I know what goes on inside that head of yours. I might not know specifics, since we have very different lives, families, experiences. But in general, as a teenage girl in 2011, I know what those thoughts are. They go through my head, too.

You think nothing you do is ever good enough. You're always disappointing someone -- your parents, your friends, maybe just yourself. You don't measure up. You'll never be able to do anything right, or at least right enough to set you apart and get you noticed.

You don't think you're beautiful. It doesn't matter how many people tell you you're gorgeous -- they're your friends, they have to say that. And if one of them actually criticizes you, it hurts more than anything; after all, who would know better than they? Maybe you even make disparaging comments about your appearance so that you can hear other people contradict you. A stranger's compliment means more than anything the people who know you best could ever say. If warned that a guy only liked you for your looks, you might even be delighted. If your looks are enough to attract, without all that "personality" junk, that would mean you're pretty gosh-darn gorgeous! But somehow, not even that affirmation would be enough to convince you of your beauty.

You want a problem. Maybe you don't know it, and maybe your "problem" is genuine. But when the people around you struggle, they get attention. And however subconsciously, you want a problem so that you'll need that help and attention. You feel absolutely horrible for wanting this attention that others desperately need; but somehow, you can't help it. Your "problem" might be as subtle as self-pity over how you are always helping others, and no one even thinks that you might need help.

And all of this can come back to a very human, very feminine need: To be loved. Really, truly loved. We girls want and need it so badly that when the potential of that love occurs, we either throw ourselves into it without a thought, afraid of losing it, or hang back, fearing it's too good to be true.

And naturally, we think this love will come in the form of a guy.

It's only natural that we think this. After all, "Someday my prince will come" has been fed to us since the age of two. Our prince would come, transform us from rags to riches, and we'd live happily ever after. Everything would be solved by this one magical man. So of course, we look for him. We become self-conscious. After all, what if that magical man meets you on a bad hair day when you didn't have time to do your make-up? Would the entire course of history change because your mascara was neglected that morning?

We begin looking in the craziest places for this guy to appear. "Well, he's not exactly what I've pictured... But I can change him! He's cute, and he likes me! How often does that happen? He must be the one!" Or maybe he doesn't even like you in that way...but if you can just become a little prettier, if you can just do a little more to catch his eye, he'll realize what a gem you are...and he'll become "the one."

And all the while, we're silently screaming, "See me. Notice me. Think I'm worth something. Give me a reason to get up in the morning. Love me."

By the time we graduate high school, our hearts are no longer whole. They've been held out to anyone -- everyone -- freely. You hope this gift of your heart will be enough. That someone will accept it. And perhaps it has occasionally been accepted -- and then handed back, battered and bruised, leaving you even less to offer the next passer-by.

Instead of meeting that deepest need of your feminine heart, pursuing a guy's attention has actually made that need deeper. But no matter how many times a crush fails to satisfy you, you somehow still think the answer to all your problems can be solved by a boy.

You know what's coming now. I'm going to tell you that your heart's desire for love and attention cannot be met by a guy. It can only be found in Jesus Christ.

"I know," you say, "I've heard it a million times. But Kendall, I'm sorry, I've tried to let God be enough. And He's not."

Maybe you wouldn't put it that bluntly. But admit it: At some point in your life, the "Jesus thing" didn't work for you. You tried seeking Jesus, but that wasn't enough. God's love was not enough. I mean, think about it: He loves everyone. He thinks you're beautiful, but He made you; He has to think that. He can love you across time and space, but He can't reach out and tangibly take your hand or give you a hug. It's almost...commonplace. Not special.

Not enough. You need God...and something else.

May I suggest something? It's not comfortable. It's not nice. It's not what you want to hear.

You don't have room for God.

I've tried seeking Him, you say. How much time per day do you spend diving into His Word? Pouring your heart out in prayer? Allow me to venture a guess that it's not as much time as you spend on Facebook or texting your friends. (And I'm guilty of that too.)

I've tried to let His love be enough, you say. Have you allowed Him to strip away everything else in your life that's distracting you from His overwhelming adoration? Have you sat silently at His feet, allowing Him to restore life to your aching heart?

I can't reach out and touch Him, you say. Can't you? He stated that whatever you do for the least of these around you, you do for Him. Haven't you ever seen Christ in the face of a child in Sunday school? Haven't you ever felt Him in the hug of a loving friend? Have you ever asked to see through the eyes of Jesus?

He loves everyone, you say. Yes. He loves you perfectly. Uniquely. He designed you just the way He wanted you, to accomplish a specific purpose on this earth. He is incredibly in love with you, with your heart, with your life. If you were the only one He would have saved, He still would have given His life for you. And He knows every single little thing you've ever said, done, or thought. He knows what goes on inside your mind in the middle of the night -- the things that no one else will ever know, nor would you want them too. He knows all that; and He still loves you.

If you truly want to be satisfied by this glorious God, sweet girl, you need to seek Him with your entire heart. The attention you crave must be forgotten. Any needs to be told you're beautiful in the world's eyes must be laid to rest at the foot of the cross. To have the deepest longings of your feminine heart satisfied, you must stop trying to satisfy them with anything else.

Let this world fade away. Allow Him to tear down your idols. And I promise -- when He becomes all you want, He becomes all you need.

You cannot seek God while this world fills your heart. Empty yourself; and then fill. Fill to overflowing. Pour out your life at Jesus' feet, and then be filled beyond all imagination with a love that will never leave you wanting more.

And then one day, you will experience a love story like no other. As you fall more in love with Jesus, you'll fall more in love with this man; and as you fall more in love with this man, you'll fall more in love with Jesus. He'll think you're gorgeous without any make-up, on a bad hair day, because it's the glowing, whole heart that is consumed with love for a beautiful Savior that attracts him. He'll love your eyes and your smile because they're yours, not because the world has decided that they meet some fickle, ever-changing criteria of beauty. His passion for Christ will inspire you to greater passion, and your passion will do the same for him.

And it all begins with coming to Jesus and making the decision to follow wholeheartedly. It means ceasing to live by the world's standards, forsaking all, and embracing a new meaning of beauty. It is a radical emptying of self, determining to live only for the applause of heaven.

You have the opportunity to be radiant. Will you let it slip through your fingers, continuing in a pattern of pain, heartbreak, and an ever-growing need for acknowledgment and affection? Or will you seize this opportunity, and become a shining example of God's pure power?

"Listen, O daughter, consider and give ear: Forget your people and your father's house. The King is enthralled by your beauty; honor Him, for He is your Lord." ~Psalm 45:10-11 (emphasis added)

I am praying for you.

In His Love,
Kendall

A Different Kind of "Going On"

There is a phrase that is used these days that absolutely tears at me. It is so indicative of the mediocrity and brokenness that Satan asks us to accept. He whispers, "Life is terrible. It can't get any worse (or could it?), and you can't feel any better...so you might as well just deal with it."

And we nod, lift our heads, brush off the dirt, and say resignedly, "And life goes on."

And yes: life goes on. It does. The circumstances that tear us down will soon be only painful memories, and the people who hurt us will soon move out of our lives. In some ways, the recognition of this fact is admirable. There is something in it that says, "No, I will not let these things break me. I will continue to fight and live and go on, and realize that I won't always feel like this." It refuses defeat.

But at the same time, it refuses healing.

Jesus did not die so that you could accept your pain and carry it with you for the rest of your life. He did not rescue you from a life of misery just so that you would "deal" with your heartbreak by pushing it to the back of your mind. He does not stand with open arms, able to carry the entire weight of the entire world's sin, waiting for you to come to Him, just so you can say, "Nah, it's okay. Life goes on. I'll get over it."

No, my friend, you are made for more! So much more! Your God did not design you to accept brokenness. He did not create you for a life where crack after crack forms in your heart and you simply try to ignore it and forget the pain. He shaped you so that you would be whole. He does not want you to muddle through a mediocre life, pushing yourself back up time and again thinking that's the only way life can be -- you might as well deal with it. No! Your God made you more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus. You are to live victoriously. Passionately. Fully. You were not made to settle, you were made to want Jesus' best. He did not give up all so that you would settle for a life less than that!

Our God can calm a raging storm with a word. He heals the lame. He restores sight to the blind. He brings the dead to life. And He wants to take your heart, that has died one tiny piece at a time, and breathe His life into it. He desires disciples who are completely alive!

"And He who is seated on the throne said, 'See! I make all things new'" (Revelation 21:5). Come, fall at the feet of your God. Do not do it flippantly. Do not do it just for show or to make yourself feel better. Do it with a deep desire to be made completely new, completely alive. Come to be made strong, and to fall head-over-heels in love with a God who is strong to save. Come to discover victorious life in Christ. Come; worship; seek the heart of God. And as you lose yourself in His beautiful heart for you, yours will be raised to life. And life will, again, go on -- but it will go on with a strength and power that you could never have imagined.