Fireflies

"Jesus Christ did not say, 'Go into all the world and tell the world that it is quite right.'" ~C.S. Lewis

The call to abandon all, to become a "nobody," and to die to self is not a very popular call these days. We'd rather keep all those things we love. We'd rather be a "somebody." We'd rather have our own desires.

We'd rather have this world than Jesus.

Let me tell you about a time in my life when I had to give up two very important things/people that Jesus called me to put on the altar...

Actually, I can't, because this story doesn't just involve me. But let me see if I can put it in the abstract for you.

Jesus said, "Any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be My disciple" (Luke 14:33). But oh, I say, Jesus, isn't that a little harsh? I mean, I'll give You some of this stuff in my life. But everything? I don't even think I know about everything that's in my life!

But that's what He said. He also said, "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters -- yes, even his own life -- he cannot be my disciple" (Luke 14:26).

Oh! I protest. That doesn't sound like Jesus at all! Didn't He say we should love each other? Ah-ha! Jesus is wrong! This means I don't have to do that...right?

Wrong. Of course, He did not mean that we should all start yelling at each other and despising the people He's put in our lives. But in comparison to our love for Him, our love for the things of this world should look like hate. There should be a huge difference between our love for Him and our love for the blessings He pours over us. Think about it like the difference between the love you have for ice cream, and the love a husband and wife have for each other. Hopefully, there's quite a contrast there.

The things we are given in this world can oftentimes be good! Friendships, goals, dreams, relationships. But God did not ask Abraham to put a despised son on the altar; He requested "your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love." He asks that even our good desires; our good dreams; our good relationships; be offered on the altar. He asks for a declaration that He is more important; that if something else is claiming our attention above Him, we give it up immediately.

The problem is, when we put things on the altar, we oftentimes expect to get them back. "I'll give You my hope of a love story, and then You can give it back. Deal? Deal." And I've put a lot of friendships and dreams on the altar that He has, indeed, been faithful to refine and then restore. But there are other things I put on the altar that I am never given back. Things, people, dreams, that I love, and that are good; but are consuming too much of my life. They are lovers that are taking the place of my First Love, and He gently asks me to give them up without ever expecting to get them back.

But in all honesty, though these are the most painful sacrifices, they can also be some of the most beautiful. The larger the offering loomed in our heart, the larger the hole when it is gone; and the more of God we receive in return. When He takes away, He will never leave you empty. He will fill you with Himself, if you will just ask and seek.

You may live your entire life a Christian without ever truly experiencing Christ. And you can stay that way. You can remain complacent, as a Christian but never a disciple. But if you would experience the fullness of joy in God's presence, go; sell all you have; and follow Him. He will not disappoint.

(Oh, and what in the world does the title have to do with this post, you may ask? Some of you already know. The rest of you probably don't need to.)

As the Deer

I had a hard week. Everything that God has taught me this summer, all the ways He's satisfied me, have been tested. Is He really enough? Do you really think He wants the best for you? Is this truly what He's asking of you? Doesn't He want you to have fun?

So, I'm kinda writing this post with nothing to say as of beginning it. I just need -- I need -- to write about my great God and remind myself of who He is, of what He's done, of His mighty ability to save.

"As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God," writes the Psalmist. A nice concept. But I don't always pant for God. I pant for God, and something else. Then it becomes panting for something else, and God. And then, God is just in the background, a pretty little idea I once new, and the something else has become my primary desire.

Here's the funny thing, though: Panting after God satisfies. Asking Him to fill results in fulfillment. Panting after something else -- well, that just leads to more panting. And pretty soon our tongue gets dry and swallowing becomes uncomfortable...

Anywho. I know, from personal experience, that my God satisfies. Every time. And I also know that the other things I pant after might satisfy temporarily, but eventually leave me longing for something greater.

Here's the other funny thing. When we long for God, and He satisfies us, we still long for more. We are satisfied -- and yet we desire to be satisfied ever more deeply. The more He fills us, and the more we beg for more, the deeper His love and grace in our life penetrates.

Scripture calls God a "God who knows." He knows where you've been, He knows where you are, but what He actually cares about is whether or not you believe that He's by your side. I know He's by my side. I may not always see it, but whose fault is that? I know it's not His; He's still there. Will you dare to believe that He's still there, that He still aches to fill you, and that He will satisfy you more and more?

Well, this accomplished my goal... I love Jesus! So much! And He loves you!

My Lover, My Friend

You are reading the musings of a die-hard romantic. I am positively in love with love. Romance is the key ingredient of any story. If you had asked me about two months ago if I was called to be single, I would have laughed in your face, then gone home and thought about how ridiculous you were to assume that God would plan something like that for me. In my opinion, singleness was just not an option for my life. I love love too much.

Loving love has gotten me into some trouble...but that's not my point here. My point is to tell you about the ultimate Lover, the One who satisfies even when hope of an earthly romance fades away.

After obeying God's call to give up any semblance of romance in my life that was coming from a source other than Him, I thought for a long time that it was unfair. Most of my other friends had no moral problem with dating. I tried to convince myself that I had gone overboard. I had misunderstood God's call, that was all. After all, He wants me to be happy, doesn't He? But I couldn't escape the whisper upon my heart, Beloved, this is not what I have for you right now. Come close and let Me show you what I want for this season of your life.

"But God," I pleaded, "What You want's not what I want."

That's exactly My point, Beloved. Let Me give you My dreams. Let Me shape your desires. Let Me turn your world upside down.

Along this journey, I encountered some beautiful treasures in Scripture. I spent a lot of time in Hosea and Song of Songs, and discovered the nature of my Lover. Song of Songs 5:16 declares, "His mouth is sweetness itself; he is altogether lovely. This is my lover, this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem." This was the part of Himself that God wanted to reveal to me. This was the thing I had been missing, the thing He called me away to discover.

This is not an easy journey. It's not quite the definition of "fun." God will often call us away from the things that are distracting us, as He did for me. He will almost always call us to give up something so that He can prove that He is more than enough to fill. But the love that we discover is well worth it. The Beloved of Song of Songs describes it: "Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its ardor unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away."

We must be willing to surrender, and give up whatever it is that keeps us from discovering the true nature of our God. For me, it was romance and all my hopes and dreams of ever marrying. God had a heyday with that one. I don't know what it is in your life; but are you willing to be stripped down, to give up everything you know so that you can discover the joy that Jesus wants to show you?

Hosea 2:14 says, "Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her." Before He can win us, before He can capture our hearts, He must lead us out into the desert. He must take us through the wasteland before we will be able to see the beauty of what waits on the other side. Take His hand, walk into the desert with Him, and there give Him everything. He will become your Lover; He will become your Friend. Pour out everything at His feet, and He will fill you beyond what you ever thought possible.

Battle Cry

I really love spiritual warfare.

Now, that comment can easily be misunderstood. I do not sit around dwelling on this topic. I do not love the fact that Satan has power on the earth. I do not sit around calling up demons so that I can fight them.

I love fighting. With every word I say and everything I do, I fight for the Kingdom of God. Not by dwelling on the reality of Satan or his minions; but by dwelling on the beauty and power of Christ. That, in and of itself, is spiritual warfare. Every time I open my mouth to praise Him, every time you open your mouth to praise Him, Satan is silenced. Psalm 8:2 says, "From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise because of your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger." Because I want to live my life to be a worshiper, my entire life is a battle cry.

So what exactly does a battle-cry-life look like? The first part is what I mentioned above: A life of worship is the life of a warrior. Spiritual warfare does not cease when we step outside our church doors. We cannot leave our heart of worship in the sanctuary. We are told to live as though working for God, not for man. Doing everything with a heart unto the Lord, keeping our eyes and mind focused on Him, is one of the best ways that we can combat our enemy.

The second part of living this life is recognizing Satan's lies in your life (putting on the belt of truth). In Hosea, God proclaimed, "My people perish from lack of knowledge." The lies that are breathed into our lives must constantly be replaced by God's truth. This requires being continually in the Word of God, understanding who He is and what He says -- and then believing that He is who He says He is, and will do what He says He will do (shield of faith).

We are also told not to give the devil a foothold by embracing things such as anger, bitterness, revenge, etc (putting on the breastplate of righteousness). A heart fully surrendered to Christ and striving to be more like His will, of course, be under more attack, because it is more of a threat -- but it will be helped.

We are also commanded to have our feet fitted with the gospel of peace, and to take up the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit. One of the most effective ways to combat Satan's army is to spread the Word of God. To be His missionaries, both in our hometown and around the world. Revelation 12:11 says, "They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony." Our testimony, and our identity in Christ, are a battle cry and a weapon all in one. Use them.

Finally, Ephesians 6 tells us to "pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests." Satan cannot stand a vibrant prayer life. Don't just pray in your head -- remember, Satan can't hear your thoughts! I write my prayers. You can speak them out loud. Pray scripture. Whatever you do, just pray.

And always remember that "you, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world" (1 John4:4). Our victory is already secured. Do not dwell on these things, but also do not be afraid of them. Proclaim the word of God boldly. Live a life of worship. Recall that you are a citizen of heaven, sealed in Christ. And fight.

"Therefore rejoice, you heavens and you who dwell in them! But woe to the earth and the sea, because the devil has gone down to you! He is filled with fury, because he knows that his time is short." ~Revelation 12:12

Costly Obedience

When Jesus heard this, he said to him, "You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." ~Luke 18:22

I've been learning what it means to obey God, even when it hurts.

David was once commanded by God to build an altar on a piece of land that belonged to a man named Araunah. When Araunah heard why David wanted to purchase his land, he offered it to the king for free. But David responded, "No, I insist on paying you for it. I will not sacrifice to the Lord my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing" (2 Samuel 24:24).

So many times in our lives, we offer to God burnt offerings that cost us nothing. "Two dollars to that homeless guy? Sure! This box of crayons to a little orphan girl in Ukraine? I'd love to! This strange-looking fern that my grandmother gave me for my birthday? Oh, Lord, I would love to give you that!" And we walk away feeling so good about ourselves, because we've done something for God.

And then He comes after the important things in our life. The things we believe are essential. "But if I do that, Lord, I may lose my dream of that beautiful house in Colorado with the white picket fence and the perfect husband. If I stand up and obey You in this area, God, I might lose that friendship. Jesus, if I give my life in obedience to You, You might take it from me."

We serve a God who demands all. Not just the things we feel like giving up. Everything. From your fern to your heart, He wants it all. And you can be assured that when you make a commitment to come after Him, He will demand obedience that will cost you something.

Isaiah 58:10 says that what is pleasing to God is to "spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry." Not to keep your life to yourself. Not to ignore God's call and stay comfortably at home, hoarding your money, your time, and your life. No, we are to spend ourselves. To give up everything for the least of these that God places around us, and in so doing, to know His face.

And so you don't have to be depressed that you're giving up your life. It is not drudgery, though it may feel like it for a while. Costly obedience is repaid tenfold. We have the pleasure, the joy of following in the footsteps of Christ, who gave up all for the sake of others. The least we can do is give up all for Him. And when we spend ourselves, He promises, "Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and He will say: Here am I" (Isaiah 58:8-9).

But first we must obey. Without sacrifice, there can be no return. Without passionate love for Jesus Christ, we will never bring ourselves to give up our all. And without spending our lives, we will lose more than we ever thought possible.

Behind His Back

For my tenth birthday, my mom redecorated my room. She bought me a beautiful canopy, a new lamp, and an adorable fairy bedspread and sheets. Unfortunately, when she went to put on the new sheets and comforter, they didn't fit. The label that stated "Full/Queen" only fit a full-sized bed. So she returned my fairy bed fixings and went on a hunt for more.

She spent hours looking for the perfect bedspread and sheets. She never found little girl ones that would fit. She told me that she cried at the cashier, saying all she wanted to do was make my birthday special.

Well, eventually my mommy and I went out shopping together for my bed. We picked out a quilt that was far from little-girl, like she and I had both wanted. But it's still on my bed today. I love that quilt.

But every once in a while, I would feel horrible. I would think, "If it hadn't been for me, my mommy wouldn't have cried that day." I felt awful that she had gone to so much trouble for me. I would trace my finger over the embroidered flowers on my quilt and match tear-for-tear the tears my sweet mommy had cried.

About two months ago, I reminded her of her hunt for my perfect bedspread and confessed that I felt dreadful about it. She blinked. "What in the world are you talking about?"

I stared at her. "You mean you don't remember that?"

"I remember that we got you that new quilt, but I haven't thought about that in years. You mean you've been feeling bad about that all this time?"

Well.

How often do we do that with God? We sit around feeling horrible about a sin that we know He's already forgiven, and we feel so bad that we made Him sad. We agonize over our decisions. We drag up things we've already given to God.

I think when we do that, He just blinks. "You mean you've been feeling bad about that all this time? I haven't thought about that in years. Why in the world are you bringing it up now?"

Do we really believe that He's removed our sins from us as far as the east is from the west? I like to claim that I do. But if I really believe that, why do I drudge up the past so often?

Isaiah 38:17 says, "In Your love You kept me from the pit of destruction; You have put all my sins behind Your back." Does God "forget" our sins, as people commonly say? I don't think so. That's crazy to come to an omniscient God and say, "So, do You remember that horrible thing that I did on April 12, 2010?" and expect Him to scratch His head and reply, "April 12? Gosh, I think that day might be erased from My infinite memory... This is perplexing." No. I don't think He forgets in the way that we forget things. But He forgives. And He puts our sins behind His back, never to think about them again.

But we like to run behind His back, pick them up, and stick them in His face again. "See? Isn't that horrible what I did? Oh, You must hate me now..."

"Um, didn't I already deal with this one?"

"Well, yeah, but I thought You might have forgotten something the first time You forgave me. Or maybe You weren't paying attention and didn't really mean that You still love me. I mean, look at this! Obviously You missed this part right here. This is truly unforgivable. This part is too big for even You to forgive. I mean, seriously, there has to be a limit to what Jesus' sacrifice can cover, and if there is, this is it! I'm the unforgivable one! You found me! Oh, woe is me!"

Why in the world do we try to convince God not to forgive us?

Hand it over to God. Leave it there. And trust that He has covered your sins. We yank our sins back from God's hands and feel guilty about them all over again because of a lack of faith in the cleansing blood of Jesus Christ. Think about it: Who are you to think that you're the one special person in the universe whose sins God can't put behind His back?

Just One Second

Give me Your eyes for just one second
Give me Your eyes so I can see
Everything that I've been missing
Give me Your love for humanity
Give me Your arms for the brokenhearted
Ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me a heart for the ones forgotten
Give me Your eyes so I can see

Okay, I'm not really a huge fan of that song. But for some reason, even though I change the channel every time I hear it, and so have not heard it in its entirety in months, I found the chorus running through my head over and over while sitting in the airport on my way to Las Vegas. I quickly replaced it with a song I liked more, and didn't think much about it.

Being in Las Vegas for four days, including an evening on the strip, I saw a lot of things. A lot of ads I wish I'd never seen, a lot of pictures I could've done without, a lot of sad, confused people wandering around looking for significance in places they will never find it. And it did burden me...but my heart never broke for these people. I don't know why. But while it made me sad, it never made me think, "Ah! This is how God feels about these people!"

On the flight home, sitting looking out the window, the song started going through my head again. I realized how huge this world is...yet so small in comparison. And how God has a unique, beautiful plan for everyone who was down below me, and aches for them to discover it. I wondered if this was how He feels, looking down from above and knowing that so many people have yet to encounter Him in a powerful way...because nobody will tell them. Lord, I prayed, give me Your eyes. Give me Your eyes, even for just one second.

As I prayed fervently to know the heartbeat of heaven, the call on my heart was so clear: Go. Tell them. Show them. Serve them. Love them. That's a recurring call for me. I have too much joy, too much love from Jesus to not share it. Occasionally, I get these random urges to run out into downtown, grab somebody, and tell them, "OhmygoodnessJesuslovesyousooooomuchandyoushouldloveHimtoo!" but I doubt that often works... Anywho, as I prayed, God gently showed me, You already love Me. Now can you love the ones I love?

So I continued to pray for passionate love for the lost and broken people around me. For the ones who think they're happy...but have yet to experience true joy. For people who have come to the end of their rope, and are ready to hear about the amazing love that is offered so freely.

Caught up in the excitement of telling my dad about my trip to Vegas on the drive home, I forgot this prayer. I forgot that I had asked to see through heaven's eyes, to feel my heart break, to have my eyes fill with the tears of Christ. However, as my parents were discussing something unrelated to me, my eyes drifted to the side of the road just in time to see a young man sit down on the sidewalk, pull his knees up to his chest, and bury his head in his hands.

In that split second, my heart broke. I could almost feel my hand reaching out to him as our car flew past. An overwhelming desire to turn around, sit down beside him, and ask him his story filled my heart. All I could do was pray as I thought about how defeated, how lonely, how broken he looked. And I knew -- I had been given what I asked for. I'd seen through God's eyes for just one second. In my four days in Las Vegas, my heart had never cried out against sin and despair as much as it did in that moment. And I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, I have to tell them. There are so many people -- so many -- who have no idea about the love that Jesus has for them. Or if they do, they don't understand it, they don't believe it, they don't see it, and I have to tell them!

I didn't know how. Still don't. But I have an infinitely faithful God. He's what this life is all about. I can't do anything. I can sit here and write this blog, I can share the Gospel with as many people as I want to, but I will have no effect if God's not at work. He is infinitely trustworthy. And the more I realize that, the more I lose myself. The more I realize how insignificant I am, the more God can do things of eternal significance through me. And the more my heart breaks, the more I know without a doubt that I have to share the amazing, beautiful, fun life I've found in Jesus Christ. I trust that He will take me where I need to go in His time.

If you dare -- if you long to have a calling, if you long to feel heaven's heartbeat sound in your chest -- then ask. Pray for the Lord's eyes for a single moment. Pray for a single second that will change your life and inspire you to go. It is a prayer that He delights to answer.

By the way, that song, the one going through my head in the airport and the airplane: I had to look it up to figure out the exact lyrics of the chorus. It's about a guy discovering God's heart for the broken -- in an airport.