A Lasting Hope

"I finally started cutting for real. It bled. It hurt. But it's spring, and I'm going to stop. I don't want people to see the cuts on my arm and feel bad. So what will I do to stop the pain now? Isn't it obvious? I cut on my hip instead. And I'm only eleven. Is there no way out?" ~Six Billion Secrets

There are very few things more sad than this. More heart-breaking. But what may be even more sad than this "secret" is the sort of response this young lady received. Several people declaring that she needed to "go out and get a freakin' life." "You're flippin' eleven, live your life." And so on. Those who actually seemed to care repeated the same sentiment over and over: Cutting is not the answer.

But none of them seemed to know what the answer actually is.

This world is obsessed with quick fixes. People offered this girl options for what she could do instead of cutting: Squeeze an ice cube, write in a journal, hit a pillow. All excellent distractions that keep you from self-harm. I've done many of those things myself. But these are all immediate distractions, not a solution to the deeper problem that has to be eating away at this girl's heart. Even cutting is something of a "quick fix"; a symptom of a much more deep-seeded problem.

And no one had any idea how to address that. And that's what breaks my heart.

Five years ago, Jesus saw poor, pitiful little me. Huddled in a freezing cold study. Ready to go beyond just scratching myself, ready to gather the courage to actually make myself bleed. But before I could put anything to my arm, He gently whispered to my heart, I already took that cut. And I never cut, or even came close, again.

Two thousand years ago, Jesus saw that darling eleven-year-old girl. He saw her breaking heart. He saw the pain she couldn't keep inside any longer. He saw what she did to try and make it go away. And He gave up His life so that she could keep hers. But who is ever going to actually tell her what He did for her? Who is going to intercede on her behalf? Who is going to plead that someone will come into her life and let her know she is worthy of love? Who is going to be the hands and feet of Christ to this child?

I was blessed to grow up in a Christian home. I was blessed to have parents that gave me a solid foundation. I knew Bible verses. I knew who Jesus was. I knew the Gospel story. So that, in my darkest hour, when I heard Jesus' voice, I knew exactly who it was. But that is not a luxury that many have these days. If people know the Gospel, they tend to know the watered-down, fictional version.

But the Gospel has power. Jesus Christ has power. This world needs to know that when the blow was about to fall; when the blade was about to be lowered; when the whip was about to strike; Jesus stood in their place. His body took the hit. His arm took the cut. His back took the lashes that were rightfully ours. He removed the chains from our wrists and put them on His own, so that we could walk out of our prison cell and live in freedom. And not only did He take our chains -- He shattered them.

And even in America, when there's a church just about every five minutes down every given street, I never cease to be amazed how few people actually know this. When people ask, "Is there no way out?" why are Christ's children not stepping up and crying, "Yes! There is a way out! There is a God who loves you no matter what you do, who gave up His very life because He adores you so much. He doesn't want you to be perfect. He wants all your broken pieces. He wants your heartbreak, your depression, your anger, your sadness. He wants your ashes so that He can make them something beautiful. Please, just give them to Him!"

Instead, we write people off as lost causes.

Our God is alive. Our God is working. Our God stood in the gap, our God took the blow, our God aches for people to just come sit at His feet and be loved by Him. He doesn't want people to try harder. He doesn't want the prodigal to work for Him; He wants the prodigal to be wrapped up in His arms until everything that happened in the past is washed away.

Too often, I treat people as though they need to do more. As though they aren't trying hard enough to obey God. As though until they have exactly the same relationship with God that I have, they're not good enough.

But then I remember where I was five years ago. And I realize that some of these people have not learned to hear the voice of God. That they may never have even heard His Name. That they need someone, not to judge them, but to be Jesus' hands and feet. They need someone to tell them, He already took that cut.

They don't need to do more. They just need to be loved.

Let the Living God work and love through you. The world is starving for hope, and hope that lasts beyond a quick fix can only be found in Christ. Hope that saves lives comes from God. Hope that changes lives comes from the One who was cut, so that we don't have to be.

Hope comes from the Risen Christ. And we have the privilege of telling this world about Him.

Dear Beautiful

Dear Beautiful,

I know what goes on inside that head of yours. I might not know specifics, since we have very different lives, families, experiences. But in general, as a teenage girl in 2011, I know what those thoughts are. They go through my head, too.

You think nothing you do is ever good enough. You're always disappointing someone -- your parents, your friends, maybe just yourself. You don't measure up. You'll never be able to do anything right, or at least right enough to set you apart and get you noticed.

You don't think you're beautiful. It doesn't matter how many people tell you you're gorgeous -- they're your friends, they have to say that. And if one of them actually criticizes you, it hurts more than anything; after all, who would know better than they? Maybe you even make disparaging comments about your appearance so that you can hear other people contradict you. A stranger's compliment means more than anything the people who know you best could ever say. If warned that a guy only liked you for your looks, you might even be delighted. If your looks are enough to attract, without all that "personality" junk, that would mean you're pretty gosh-darn gorgeous! But somehow, not even that affirmation would be enough to convince you of your beauty.

You want a problem. Maybe you don't know it, and maybe your "problem" is genuine. But when the people around you struggle, they get attention. And however subconsciously, you want a problem so that you'll need that help and attention. You feel absolutely horrible for wanting this attention that others desperately need; but somehow, you can't help it. Your "problem" might be as subtle as self-pity over how you are always helping others, and no one even thinks that you might need help.

And all of this can come back to a very human, very feminine need: To be loved. Really, truly loved. We girls want and need it so badly that when the potential of that love occurs, we either throw ourselves into it without a thought, afraid of losing it, or hang back, fearing it's too good to be true.

And naturally, we think this love will come in the form of a guy.

It's only natural that we think this. After all, "Someday my prince will come" has been fed to us since the age of two. Our prince would come, transform us from rags to riches, and we'd live happily ever after. Everything would be solved by this one magical man. So of course, we look for him. We become self-conscious. After all, what if that magical man meets you on a bad hair day when you didn't have time to do your make-up? Would the entire course of history change because your mascara was neglected that morning?

We begin looking in the craziest places for this guy to appear. "Well, he's not exactly what I've pictured... But I can change him! He's cute, and he likes me! How often does that happen? He must be the one!" Or maybe he doesn't even like you in that way...but if you can just become a little prettier, if you can just do a little more to catch his eye, he'll realize what a gem you are...and he'll become "the one."

And all the while, we're silently screaming, "See me. Notice me. Think I'm worth something. Give me a reason to get up in the morning. Love me."

By the time we graduate high school, our hearts are no longer whole. They've been held out to anyone -- everyone -- freely. You hope this gift of your heart will be enough. That someone will accept it. And perhaps it has occasionally been accepted -- and then handed back, battered and bruised, leaving you even less to offer the next passer-by.

Instead of meeting that deepest need of your feminine heart, pursuing a guy's attention has actually made that need deeper. But no matter how many times a crush fails to satisfy you, you somehow still think the answer to all your problems can be solved by a boy.

You know what's coming now. I'm going to tell you that your heart's desire for love and attention cannot be met by a guy. It can only be found in Jesus Christ.

"I know," you say, "I've heard it a million times. But Kendall, I'm sorry, I've tried to let God be enough. And He's not."

Maybe you wouldn't put it that bluntly. But admit it: At some point in your life, the "Jesus thing" didn't work for you. You tried seeking Jesus, but that wasn't enough. God's love was not enough. I mean, think about it: He loves everyone. He thinks you're beautiful, but He made you; He has to think that. He can love you across time and space, but He can't reach out and tangibly take your hand or give you a hug. It's almost...commonplace. Not special.

Not enough. You need God...and something else.

May I suggest something? It's not comfortable. It's not nice. It's not what you want to hear.

You don't have room for God.

I've tried seeking Him, you say. How much time per day do you spend diving into His Word? Pouring your heart out in prayer? Allow me to venture a guess that it's not as much time as you spend on Facebook or texting your friends. (And I'm guilty of that too.)

I've tried to let His love be enough, you say. Have you allowed Him to strip away everything else in your life that's distracting you from His overwhelming adoration? Have you sat silently at His feet, allowing Him to restore life to your aching heart?

I can't reach out and touch Him, you say. Can't you? He stated that whatever you do for the least of these around you, you do for Him. Haven't you ever seen Christ in the face of a child in Sunday school? Haven't you ever felt Him in the hug of a loving friend? Have you ever asked to see through the eyes of Jesus?

He loves everyone, you say. Yes. He loves you perfectly. Uniquely. He designed you just the way He wanted you, to accomplish a specific purpose on this earth. He is incredibly in love with you, with your heart, with your life. If you were the only one He would have saved, He still would have given His life for you. And He knows every single little thing you've ever said, done, or thought. He knows what goes on inside your mind in the middle of the night -- the things that no one else will ever know, nor would you want them too. He knows all that; and He still loves you.

If you truly want to be satisfied by this glorious God, sweet girl, you need to seek Him with your entire heart. The attention you crave must be forgotten. Any needs to be told you're beautiful in the world's eyes must be laid to rest at the foot of the cross. To have the deepest longings of your feminine heart satisfied, you must stop trying to satisfy them with anything else.

Let this world fade away. Allow Him to tear down your idols. And I promise -- when He becomes all you want, He becomes all you need.

You cannot seek God while this world fills your heart. Empty yourself; and then fill. Fill to overflowing. Pour out your life at Jesus' feet, and then be filled beyond all imagination with a love that will never leave you wanting more.

And then one day, you will experience a love story like no other. As you fall more in love with Jesus, you'll fall more in love with this man; and as you fall more in love with this man, you'll fall more in love with Jesus. He'll think you're gorgeous without any make-up, on a bad hair day, because it's the glowing, whole heart that is consumed with love for a beautiful Savior that attracts him. He'll love your eyes and your smile because they're yours, not because the world has decided that they meet some fickle, ever-changing criteria of beauty. His passion for Christ will inspire you to greater passion, and your passion will do the same for him.

And it all begins with coming to Jesus and making the decision to follow wholeheartedly. It means ceasing to live by the world's standards, forsaking all, and embracing a new meaning of beauty. It is a radical emptying of self, determining to live only for the applause of heaven.

You have the opportunity to be radiant. Will you let it slip through your fingers, continuing in a pattern of pain, heartbreak, and an ever-growing need for acknowledgment and affection? Or will you seize this opportunity, and become a shining example of God's pure power?

"Listen, O daughter, consider and give ear: Forget your people and your father's house. The King is enthralled by your beauty; honor Him, for He is your Lord." ~Psalm 45:10-11 (emphasis added)

I am praying for you.

In His Love,
Kendall

As the Deer

I had a hard week. Everything that God has taught me this summer, all the ways He's satisfied me, have been tested. Is He really enough? Do you really think He wants the best for you? Is this truly what He's asking of you? Doesn't He want you to have fun?

So, I'm kinda writing this post with nothing to say as of beginning it. I just need -- I need -- to write about my great God and remind myself of who He is, of what He's done, of His mighty ability to save.

"As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God," writes the Psalmist. A nice concept. But I don't always pant for God. I pant for God, and something else. Then it becomes panting for something else, and God. And then, God is just in the background, a pretty little idea I once new, and the something else has become my primary desire.

Here's the funny thing, though: Panting after God satisfies. Asking Him to fill results in fulfillment. Panting after something else -- well, that just leads to more panting. And pretty soon our tongue gets dry and swallowing becomes uncomfortable...

Anywho. I know, from personal experience, that my God satisfies. Every time. And I also know that the other things I pant after might satisfy temporarily, but eventually leave me longing for something greater.

Here's the other funny thing. When we long for God, and He satisfies us, we still long for more. We are satisfied -- and yet we desire to be satisfied ever more deeply. The more He fills us, and the more we beg for more, the deeper His love and grace in our life penetrates.

Scripture calls God a "God who knows." He knows where you've been, He knows where you are, but what He actually cares about is whether or not you believe that He's by your side. I know He's by my side. I may not always see it, but whose fault is that? I know it's not His; He's still there. Will you dare to believe that He's still there, that He still aches to fill you, and that He will satisfy you more and more?

Well, this accomplished my goal... I love Jesus! So much! And He loves you!