Dear Beautiful,
I know what goes on inside that head of yours. I might not know specifics, since we have very different lives, families, experiences. But in general, as a teenage girl in 2011, I know what those thoughts are. They go through my head, too.
You think nothing you do is ever good enough. You're always disappointing someone -- your parents, your friends, maybe just yourself. You don't measure up. You'll never be able to do anything right, or at least right enough to set you apart and get you noticed.
You don't think you're beautiful. It doesn't matter how many people tell you you're gorgeous -- they're your friends, they have to say that. And if one of them actually criticizes you, it hurts more than anything; after all, who would know better than they? Maybe you even make disparaging comments about your appearance so that you can hear other people contradict you. A stranger's compliment means more than anything the people who know you best could ever say. If warned that a guy only liked you for your looks, you might even be delighted. If your looks are enough to attract, without all that "personality" junk, that would mean you're pretty gosh-darn gorgeous! But somehow, not even that affirmation would be enough to convince you of your beauty.
You want a problem. Maybe you don't know it, and maybe your "problem" is genuine. But when the people around you struggle, they get attention. And however subconsciously, you want a problem so that you'll need that help and attention. You feel absolutely horrible for wanting this attention that others desperately need; but somehow, you can't help it. Your "problem" might be as subtle as self-pity over how you are always helping others, and no one even thinks that you might need help.
And all of this can come back to a very human, very feminine need: To be loved. Really, truly loved. We girls want and need it so badly that when the potential of that love occurs, we either throw ourselves into it without a thought, afraid of losing it, or hang back, fearing it's too good to be true.
And naturally, we think this love will come in the form of a guy.
It's only natural that we think this. After all, "Someday my prince will come" has been fed to us since the age of two. Our prince would come, transform us from rags to riches, and we'd live happily ever after. Everything would be solved by this one magical man. So of course, we look for him. We become self-conscious. After all, what if that magical man meets you on a bad hair day when you didn't have time to do your make-up? Would the entire course of history change because your mascara was neglected that morning?
We begin looking in the craziest places for this guy to appear. "Well, he's not exactly what I've pictured... But I can change him! He's cute, and he likes me! How often does that happen? He must be the one!" Or maybe he doesn't even like you in that way...but if you can just become a little prettier, if you can just do a little more to catch his eye, he'll realize what a gem you are...and he'll become "the one."
And all the while, we're silently screaming, "See me. Notice me. Think I'm worth something. Give me a reason to get up in the morning. Love me."
By the time we graduate high school, our hearts are no longer whole. They've been held out to anyone -- everyone -- freely. You hope this gift of your heart will be enough. That someone will accept it. And perhaps it has occasionally been accepted -- and then handed back, battered and bruised, leaving you even less to offer the next passer-by.
Instead of meeting that deepest need of your feminine heart, pursuing a guy's attention has actually made that need deeper. But no matter how many times a crush fails to satisfy you, you somehow still think the answer to all your problems can be solved by a boy.
You know what's coming now. I'm going to tell you that your heart's desire for love and attention cannot be met by a guy. It can only be found in Jesus Christ.
"I know," you say, "I've heard it a million times. But Kendall, I'm sorry, I've tried to let God be enough. And He's not."
Maybe you wouldn't put it that bluntly. But admit it: At some point in your life, the "Jesus thing" didn't work for you. You tried seeking Jesus, but that wasn't enough. God's love was not enough. I mean, think about it: He loves everyone. He thinks you're beautiful, but He made you; He has to think that. He can love you across time and space, but He can't reach out and tangibly take your hand or give you a hug. It's almost...commonplace. Not special.
Not enough. You need God...and something else.
May I suggest something? It's not comfortable. It's not nice. It's not what you want to hear.
You don't have room for God.
I've tried seeking Him, you say. How much time per day do you spend diving into His Word? Pouring your heart out in prayer? Allow me to venture a guess that it's not as much time as you spend on Facebook or texting your friends. (And I'm guilty of that too.)
I've tried to let His love be enough, you say. Have you allowed Him to strip away everything else in your life that's distracting you from His overwhelming adoration? Have you sat silently at His feet, allowing Him to restore life to your aching heart?
I can't reach out and touch Him, you say. Can't you? He stated that whatever you do for the least of these around you, you do for Him. Haven't you ever seen Christ in the face of a child in Sunday school? Haven't you ever felt Him in the hug of a loving friend? Have you ever asked to see through the eyes of Jesus?
He loves everyone, you say. Yes. He loves you perfectly. Uniquely. He designed you just the way He wanted you, to accomplish a specific purpose on this earth. He is incredibly in love with you, with your heart, with your life. If you were the only one He would have saved, He still would have given His life for you. And He knows every single little thing you've ever said, done, or thought. He knows what goes on inside your mind in the middle of the night -- the things that no one else will ever know, nor would you want them too. He knows all that; and He still loves you.
If you truly want to be satisfied by this glorious God, sweet girl, you need to seek Him with your entire heart. The attention you crave must be forgotten. Any needs to be told you're beautiful in the world's eyes must be laid to rest at the foot of the cross. To have the deepest longings of your feminine heart satisfied, you must stop trying to satisfy them with anything else.
Let this world fade away. Allow Him to tear down your idols. And I promise -- when He becomes all you want, He becomes all you need.
You cannot seek God while this world fills your heart. Empty yourself; and then fill. Fill to overflowing. Pour out your life at Jesus' feet, and then be filled beyond all imagination with a love that will never leave you wanting more.
And then one day, you will experience a love story like no other. As you fall more in love with Jesus, you'll fall more in love with this man; and as you fall more in love with this man, you'll fall more in love with Jesus. He'll think you're gorgeous without any make-up, on a bad hair day, because it's the glowing, whole heart that is consumed with love for a beautiful Savior that attracts him. He'll love your eyes and your smile because they're yours, not because the world has decided that they meet some fickle, ever-changing criteria of beauty. His passion for Christ will inspire you to greater passion, and your passion will do the same for him.
And it all begins with coming to Jesus and making the decision to follow wholeheartedly. It means ceasing to live by the world's standards, forsaking all, and embracing a new meaning of beauty. It is a radical emptying of self, determining to live only for the applause of heaven.
You have the opportunity to be radiant. Will you let it slip through your fingers, continuing in a pattern of pain, heartbreak, and an ever-growing need for acknowledgment and affection? Or will you seize this opportunity, and become a shining example of God's pure power?
"Listen, O daughter, consider and give ear: Forget your people and your father's house. The King is enthralled by your beauty; honor Him, for He is your Lord." ~Psalm 45:10-11 (emphasis added)
I am praying for you.
In His Love,
Kendall
